Vote for the Worst Presents: The Worst Songs of 2005

Each week, we'll be featuring the worst songs from each year this decade. We'll be counting down the absolute worst songs to come out each year from 2000 to 2009, and we'll be bringing back all of the songs you wish you'd forgotten. These are the songs that people just can't seem to believe exist, because they're just so terrible. There is a good mixture of guilty pleasures (the awfully funny) and complete crapfests (the awful with no merit). At the end of the 10 weeks, you'll have an opportunity to vote on the worst song of the decade.

2005 was the year that incorporated way too much obnoxious spelling into songs. Suddenly, every coke whore with a record deal had to prove that she could also pass a 3rd grade spelling bee. So let's take a listen to the elementary school dropouts who made you remember the value of an education (and decent tune) in 2005:

10. Weezer- Beverly Hills

Would anyone really go to the Playboy mansion to hear Weezer play? Would anyone even go to a bowling alley to hear Weezer play? Certainly not if it's this song. The Playboy Mansion isn't even in Beverly Hills, they should actually be singing Holmby Hills. Incredibly boring, incredibly repetitive, and a waste of radio space that took up way more time than it deserved.

9. Pussycat Dolls- Stickwitu

Someone forgot to inform the Pussycat Dolls that the only reason people liked them was because they did fun, stupid, catchy songs. This song, as vocally unchallenging as it is, shows that the lead singer is even worse than Jennifer Lopez. And what's with the title being "Stickwitu" and them saying "Stickwichu" in the song? I mean, if you're gonna misspell the title, at least do it the way you sing it in the song. Dumb whore spelling bee FAIL. Video highlight: The Pussycat Dolls all approach the microphones near the beginning of the song with trepidation. They see poles in front of them, and can't seem to figure out that they're supposed to sing into them rather than dance on them.

8. Gwen Stefani- Hollaback Girl

What the fuck is a hollaback girl? And why the hell should I care if it has anything to do with this terrible song? Eric Greenwood of Drawer B Media called the song "moronic and embarrassingly tuneless. I'd quote the lyrics, but they're so bad, I almost feel sorry for her. A 35-year-old woman singing about pom-poms and 'talking shit' in high school betrays such a delusional self-image that it's hard not to be taken aback. And on top of that, The Neptunes' beats are clunky and the production is senselessly bombastic." Well, I can't write anything more scathing than that, so I like it. When Maxim released their list of the 25 Most Annoying Songs Ever in 2005, this one got the #1 spot. Deservedly so.

7. D4L- Laffy Taffy

This song is just so completely ridiculous that it has to be a giant joke. So we'll treat it like a joke on the back of a Laffy Taffy wrapper. Why did the banana stop listening to this song? Because it didn't appeal to him!!!!!! In case you don't know, women with larger labia minora lips are said to have "laffy taffy". Delicious?

6. Eminem- When I'm Gone

Yes, Eminem, we get it. You have a daughter named Hayley, you hate your wife but sometimes like her and sometimes want to kill her... I mean, this must be the hundredth song Eminem has recorded with the same theme, yet this one is even worse than the others because it's all about a dream and makes very little sense. The only time Eminem is worse than when he's trying to be funny is when he's trying to be serious.

5. T-Pain- I'm Sprung

Before T-Pain was the autotune joke of the 2000's, he was releasing his first song ever in late 2005: "I'm Sprung". Back then, when this list was written, I couldn't believe how bad this was. I mean, how can you win your girl back with lyrics like "Feeling kinda lonely/On top of that I'm feelin' horny". That's not even a clever rhyme, silly T-Pain. This song was a sign of the VFTW brilliance of T-Pain's bright future.

4. Fantasia- Baby Mama

The lyrics to this song may be some of the most ridiculous that I have ever heard in a song, so I had to make sure you could see the lyrics as you listen along. My favorites are "You get that support check in the mail/You open it and you're like what the hell/You say this ain't even half of day care/Sayin' to yourself this shit ain't fair". And as Fantasia warbles over the chorus of baby mamas learning how to spell, you know this song is a classic.

3. Ying Yang Twins- Wait (The Whisper Song)

You know, if I ever see the Ying Yang Twins in real life, I'm going to have to ask them to whip out their penises. Because when you write an entire song based on whispering "Wait till you see my dick" in someone's ear, it better be impressive! I mean, does it do tricks? And how does it "Beat the pussy up?" That sounds kind of painful. But this song had me laughing all year with the fact that it was so ridiculously over the top and that some women actually found this stuff attractive.

2. Ashlee Simpson- L.O.V.E.

So many bad songs from Ashlee Simpson, so little time. I went with "L.O.V.E." for the countdown because it made me laugh even harder than her other songs. In the dumb whore spelling bee awards, Ashlee totally loses to Gwen and Fantasia because she spells her word L-O-L-O-L-O-L-O-V-E-L-O-L-O-L-O. That's not right, you dumb whore. Get a dictionary and a new nose (at least she takes half my advice).

1. R. Kelly- Trapped in the Closet

When I saw the first chapter, I laughed. The second chapter had me rolling on the floor. And it just keeps getting worse. When R. Kelly performed this song live at an awards show, it was unintentionally funnier than anything that happened all year. And that's why I award R. Kelly with the #1 spot. This song, overdone in twelve chapters no less (with ten more released in subsequent years), is the epitome of absurd. With lines like "Oh my God, a RUBBER!" and rhyming the word "closet" with itself 4 times in a row, you can't help but laugh. And the video brings it all together. There is nothing more VFTW this year than R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" and I am honored to award it as the worst song of the year. For maximum hilarity, don't just watch chapter 1 above. Seek out all of the other chapters on YouTube, sit back, and enjoy.

Leave a comment with your choice for the worst song of 2005, and check back for the worst songs of 2006 next week.