Vote for the Worst Album Review - Adam Lambert "For Your Entertainment"

Adam Lambert’s debut album For Your Entertainment has been hotly anticipated by the fans who voted for him on American Idol. But is it any good? Adam departs from the fake rocker vibe he portrayed and is releasing a purely pop record in the vein of Britney Spears. To be honest, Adam is a much more convincing pop princess prototype than rocker, but the hodge-podge of rejected songs from other popular pop musicians don’t help him much on this debut effort. Read on to see exactly how the album stacks up.

Adam’s album is a sharp departure from his time on American Idol. Back then, he was playing it safe and barely experimented with style except in very protected, calculated ways. But now he’s letting his freak flag fly on this album. The only thing is, I didn’t think it would be so boring and formulaic. Songs like “Broken Open” beg me to ask the question why Kris Allen was considered the boring contestant on Idol if Adam can release dreck like this. And after learning Kara DioGuardi wrote a song called “Strut” for the album, I was expecting an unabashed, gaudy anthem. The song starts with the line, “I want to start a revolution”, but it never really launches. It seems that Adam should be asked why he should bother with a revolution when he can sing songs that Pink, Lady Gaga, and others were smart enough to reject from their own albums? I’m sure it sounded like a good idea to sing a Linda Perry song after she’s had success with many pop artists, but “A Loaded Smile” is just terribly tedious. It’s amazing to see someone who seems so preoccupied with appearing edgy singing dreck like this, because there’s absolutely nothing interesting or edgy about the song. I would normally excuse some bad songwriting due to the fact that the Idols have to turn these albums around quickly, but Adam got his pick of working with some very popular songwriters, so there really isn't any excuse.

The biggest problem with the album is that Adam views himself as a sex symbol and wants to brag about it on songs like “Sure Fire Winners”, “If I Had You”, and “For Your Entertainment”. “Sure Fire Winners”, possibly the worst song on the album, includes lyrics where Adam brags about his big gun shattering your scene and how everyone wants to ride on his rocket ship. And “For Your Entertainment” is just a Britney Spears reject that sounds ridiculous being sung by a male. If Adam is so comfortable with his sexuality, why does he insist on singing “lover” and “baby” rather than use male pronouns? It’s a contradiction that makes the album seem self-conscious. If you’re so open with your sexuality, why take the effort to gloss over it? It’s almost embarrassing being a gay man listening to this album and hearing the moments of discomfort, especially since he seems obsessed with selling himself as seductive.

To be fair, the album has some decent moments. The only problem is that the songs with real potential are usually ruined by Adam’s incessant cat-in-heat howling. “Pick U Up” is a definite standout that I actually enjoyed until the laughably horrible Broadway-style bridge and inevitable wailing. “Sleepwalker” is typical Ryan Tedder faux fanfare fodder that might blend in on the radio if it weren’t for the over the top chorus and inevitable wailing. And while “Music Again” is an incredibly flamboyant piece theatrical gelatin, it’s kind of fun in the vein of The Darkness… until, you guessed it, the inevitable wailing. Thus, there really isn’t one song that could really make it as a hit unless you like that sort of thing. I don’t, and I’d wager to guess most people won’t, because it sounds painful and forced. The screaming is incredibly polarizing and not really going to pick up any new fans, because it doesn’t fit into the pop bubble in which he has immersed himself.

So who is Adam Lambert? Apparently he’s not the rocker he tried to be on Idol, and he’s not the Broadway baby that helped him attain his pre-Idol success (although “Soaked” and a few other album tracks are nothing but glorified Broadway soundtrack songs). He’s a pop diva, which isn’t really a surprise. It’s just too bad he didn’t have the cajones to do this type of music on Idol, because then at least the record buying public would have had an idea what they were getting into. Adam wouldn’t have finished as high as second place in that case, but he might have had a career. “For Your Entertainment” is essentially ensuring that he’ll be regulated to being a Trivial Pursuit Entertainment Category question by 2012, and it's "Time for Miracles" (aka payola) to save him if at all possible. This album is just a collection of songs rejected by other singers, and it's obvious why the songs were rejected in the first place. By the time you hear Adam coo “no no no” in a baby voice during the song “Fever”, you’ll be ready to throw the album out the window unless you’re a Sparkle Cow with blinders on. The only real path to success here would be to release “Sleepwalker” or “Pick U Up”… though it’s a gamble that either would succeed on radio without some massive payola. Then, he should just record a new album. Because this one isn’t going to get Adam any attention, Lisa Frank inspired CD cover notwithstanding.