Another year, another VFTW Victory! And American Idol made it too easy, providing us with contestants like Tatiana and Normund Gentle. But little did they know their greatest gift to us was the train wreck known as Adam Lambert, his housewife fans and his epic failure of a career. Read on to see all the other kind gifts given to VFTW in 2009 by American Idol, along with all other going-ons in the wacky Universe of voteforetheworst.com

January saw the end of an era with Nigel leaving as he and George Bush settled down to argue whom left their last position in worse shape. Idol's new producer promised there were surprises coming but one thing that didn't surprise was when people wrote us saying what a slave drive the audition process was. While the surprises never came from Idol, VFTW was all too glad to provide their own surprise by spoiling the Top 36, destroying the first two months of the show. How did we do it? We're too cool, that's how. Idol had to change their format because of us by moving Hollywood week to January this year but VFTW will spoil things anyway.

We were curious if Idol had learned their lesson last year after casting their show with failed plants. And the answer was a big fat NO as they cast the mother of all plants, Joanna Pacitti. VFTW quickly discovered that Joanna had made many enemies in the past, and it was easy to see why, with her grand sense of self-entitlement and the special treatment she got from the show. And Idol proved they're as loyal to their people as a rattlesnake when they dumped Pacitti's ass after she supplanted Bin Laden as the most hated person in America.

But Pacitti would have to quickly concede this throne after new judge Kara Dioguardi made her debut. It was bad enough we knew she was going to drive our precious train wreck Paula off the show, but she sealed things by not only being the horniest cougar ever, but the biggest dumbass ever too, with her Studio 57 and not knowing the names of songs or artists. And we saw that she's also a jealous bitch, thanks to Bikini Girl. You'll probably argue this doesn't really call for a picture now. Too bad!...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Completely Gratuitous.

Kara would continue to make an ass of herself all season, but not like she did when we heard her winner's single, No Boundaries. Kris liked it so much, he dropped it about two shows into the Idol tour. Hey Kara, VFTW has 6 words for you...Everybody hates you!

Thanks to our amazing inside sources, we got an early glimpse at some of the contestants this year, and one who got our attention early was Adam Lambert. Not only was Adam going to be the first openly gay contestant on the show, it looked like he was going to do it with a capital G-A-Y. Early pictures and video of Adam made this look like a contestant tailor-made for VFTW. But that never happened, as Adam was a pathetic mess, trying to play both sides by pretending (miserably so) to be straight. But for those who were doubters, VFTW was glad to provide clarification by posting pictures of Adam shoving his tongue down some guy's throat. We're sure Adam appreciated this clarification, although we're still awaiting his thanks.

VFTW knew this was going to be our season when we began meeting contestants like Von Smith, who makes babies cry and Nathanial Marshall and his adventures of rimming bears. But one contestant we wish we had never met was Danny Gokey. We knew Danny was going to be a giant douchebag, and we were so right, with his wacky cult church, preachiness and douchebag glasses. It was no surprise when we discovered there were shady things going on with his church and his appearance on the show. But nothing raised America's hatred more than when Danny would again and again shove down our throats that his wife was dead. But not as dead as his chances on the show after he and his people pulled this stunt...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even more than spoiling the Top 36, nothing catered more to VFTW than the extra emphasis placed on Hollywood week this year. We met Jesse Langseth, who was very stylish with her her DUI Arrest. And to prove it wasn't a fluke, Ooops..she did it again after Idol. Nathanial Marshall brought the VFTW attitude, disturbing everyone in his group by acting like a giant pussy. But no one has ever brought the VFTW Hollywood love like the incredibly annoying, yet lovable, Tatiana Del Toro. We'll never know if she was hired by Fox just to bring the drama but if she was, she deserves the biggest Christmas bonus ever, making America sicker than the Swine Flu, spurring extreme hatred and her very own set of Tatiana hate clubs as she pissed off everyone in America and on the show with her antics. Everyone but VFTW, who were gladly swept away in the winds of Hurricane Tatiana.

 

Our Picks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With all we had already seen, we knew that we wouldn't have a problem this year finding a pick but that the problem was having too many amazing VFTW candidates to chose from. Tatiana was a sure thing after Hollywood, but it's always good to seal our choice by choosing the right song. Or, in Tatiana's case, singing the same song again. And again. And again.

We met two other people this year. One was Nick Mitchell, a boring white guy from New England. The other was Normund Gentle, a fabulous, same-shirt wearing, floor-crawling, logo-humping VFTW pick. Alex Wagner-Trugman knew he had no chance of winning on the show, so he decided to win on VFTW instead with his mic-shaking, dancetastic performance.

As we moved into the finals, there (seemingly) was no obvious VFTW pick, and we went with Megan Joy. And this decision seemed to free Megan to spread her wings, literally and figuratively, as she embraced our choice like no one ever before by Cawing! her way into our hearts. She seemed to get that this show is a joke, and fixed. And someone else who got it too was Megan's brother CJ when he mocked Kara. And Megan went out in a blaze of VFTW glory as she turned her elimination show into one giant VFTW celebration by CAWing and showing VFTW-attitude throughout the episode.

After Megan sadly flew away, it wasn't easy at first to see who our next pick was. Our vision had become clouded. Little did we know that our choice was right in front of our eyes...

 

 

 

 

Everyone liked Scott MacIntyre and we're sure he appreciated that we modified our banner so he could fully enjoy the experience of being our pick.

There were lots of interesting things about our next two picks. For example, Lil Rounds has a gigantic ass. Matt Giraud has a giant mole on his forehead. Its name is Quatto. Matt murdered Quatto by having him removed, but VFTW is glad to report he has been replaced by Quatto Jr, who promises to be bigger and stronger than his father.

As we've seen, VFTW chooses its picks for different reasons. It can be for bringing the drama, being funny or playing up to us. And sometimes, it comes for just being the worst, like it did when we chose Danny Gokey. Danny had pissed off the entire country by this time, and all our fair weather Worsters whined like giant pussies when we picked him. Danny's wacky church leader showed he appreciated our support by chiming in as all church leaders do, by Tweeting about it. And if there's one thing VFTW knows, it's who's the worst, as Danny stepped up, or down if you prefer, big-time by murdering Dream On. But let's not get into Danny and murder again.

As we got to the final show, the Lambert Pimp Train had reached full steam, so we chose the guy he was competing against, whatever his name is...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

VFTW knew we were up against it as we were told Adam was surely going to win the show and go on to have a huge career and revolutionize music forever (LOL) but we were more powerful than even we thought as our support got What'sHisFace? to win! And the tards, as always, acted with class when Kris won, like Aperilla's reaction or this lunatic reacting. But nothing could be sweeter than celebrating this massive VFTW Victory on your own radio show!

 

Post Idol

With our favorite summertime train wreck Canadian Idol having been canceled, we wondered how we would get through this off season. Fortunately, this year's cast took care of this by making asses of themselves basically immediately after being eliminated from the show. Danny proved his horrendous performances on Idol were no fluke by murdering Billie Jean and that his actions are as authentic as plastic after wrapping up this deal with Lens Crafters. And VFTW put Danny's buddy Michael Sarver on death watch after seeing his pathetic tweets. But they weren't as pathetic as when Gokey and Sarver showed their true homophobic feelings. VFTW said Fuck Them, in a Godly way, of course.

It didn't take long after Idol ended to realize that Adam Lambert and his fans were going to provide us with an endless supply of VFTW material, starting when he was rushed by a half naked girl. But one person who was not getting in the the spirit was Adam's sourpuss brother Neil, who whined like a big baby about VFTW. Hey Neil, how's your brother's career going? This is how good...

 

 

 

 

 

As the Idol tour got going, we noticed that Adam's fans liked to wear sparkle to the concerts to emulate their Idol. We also noticed that they were fat housewives and, as Adam will tell you, very smelly and sweaty. Thus was born a force that would be all too happy to help Adam destroy his career, The Sparkle Cows...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Sparkle Cows continuously made asses of themselves and Adam throughout the tour, whether throwing their oversized thongs and bras or lauching dildos at Adam while he was performing. But the Cows didn't limit their embarrassing behavior to concerts and started sowing the seeds for Adam's downfall by attacking media members and even better making death threats to those who didn't think Adam was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Adam started becoming delusional and ungrateful as reports started coming in he was being a dick. And you know you're being a dick when Gene Simmons tells you to shut the fuck up. Adam started resenting his smelly fans as he kept on ditching the meet and greets after each Idol concert. And just in case Adam and his fans hadn't alienated everyone by now, Adam made sure of it by wearing a jacket with a Swastika on it at his concerts...

 

 

As the tour ended, the Sparkle Cows anxiously awaited Adam's first music industry changing single, but instead got the pathetically lame and derivative Time For Miracles. Even a stampede of mad cows couldn't prevent its pathetic chart debut or prevent it from falling completely off the charts almost as quickly as it was released.

As the release of Adam's album was approaching, he started getting a push from the industry greater than the ones Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and Chris Daughtry got combined. Adam surely was going to save the music industry, and certainly must have backers who know what they're talking about. But the first sign that they didn't was when these geniuses came up with this idea for his album cover, something kids will surely be proud to carry around their school hallways...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All of this lead to what was going to be Adam's history making debut performance at the American Music Awards. It was history making alright, with Adam singlehandedly destroying his career in three minutes by screeching out of tune for the entire performance, shoving trannys' faces in his crotch, fingering dancers, making out with a tranny and nearly falling off the stage. And once the dam broke, the destruction was immediate as Adam was axed from Good morning America along with his scheduled appearances on Kimmel and on New Year's Eve. Adam's first album single fell off the charts and with Adam's third single barely making a dent before disappearing, the most pimped and hyped Idol contestant EVER ends the year with nothing more outstanding than a case of really bad skin.


There were many other things going on at VFTW other than American Idol this year. While the VFTW Gods tooketh with the cancellation of our favorite train wreck ever in Canadian Idol, they gaveth much in return, starting with the wacky adventures of Speidi and King Of The Jungle Sanjaya on I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here! But nothing filled the VFTW hole in our lives this Fall like two extremely out-of-tune, slightly incestuous, quifftastic twins from England, John & Edward...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There were some new phenomenons this year, none bigger than Twitter, which allows us greater access to our Idols making asses of themselves. While Twitter is here to stay, one new development that isn't is Drupal (the new setup we used for our board), the best conceived concept since New Coke. Satan is not the most despised image anymore...

 

 

 

 

 

We are in the final stages of putting Drupal permanantly to sleep. See you in Hell, you evil blue fucker.

VFTW has a large extended family and, like all, there was joy, success and sadness this past year. Our favorite fatty Chris Sligh, who we've always loved for writing things like this basically telling this year's Idol contestants that they'll all be failures, found massive success this year by writing the huge Rascal Fatts song Here Comes Goodbye. Too bad these hicks were too busy thanking their accountants instead of Chris when they won Song of The Year. And we added a new family member as Junot Joyner was talking about his Idol Slavetract.

There was some sadness this year as some loser killed Alexis Cohen. We hope the judge sentences them to one hour alone with Alexis' mother. We also lost Sharon Leming, who posted regularly here and inspired all of us with her courage and humor. We were also sad to hear about the passing of David Cook's brother Adam, as we all know David's generally a good guy. And while we lost some friends, VFTW was very proud to become grandparents for the first time as our precious Fetus gave birth to a...we're not sure what, but we're so proud!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was also an awesome year for our radio show as American Idol and contestants from this year and season's past gave us an endless source of things to mock.

And while our focus was on contestants from Season 8, we always appreciate getting updates from our favorite past Idols. For example, Jeff Archuleta was arrested for prostitution. VFTW's Official Fail Whale Carly Smithson finally got a gig, as Kimberly Caldwell's official butt cleaner. And there is some justice in this World as Constantine Maroulis got the shit beat out of him.

While AI8 was a massive VFTW Victory, Season 9 is guaranteed to be fun as we had undercover Worsters audition in every city. And contestants, don't say you weren't forewarned as we told you the living Hell to expect at auditions. But one person not judging our undercover auditioners will be our precious Paula, who shortly after admitting she's on drugs (Gee, that was surprising), quit the show. Who will Simon grope under the judges' desk? Certainly not new judge Ellen Degeneres. Something tells me Kara will be moving next to Simon.

As we enter this season, the future of Idol is cloudy as Simon's preparing to bring X Factor to the States/jump ship from Idol. While VFTW won't be able to spoil the show for a few more weeks, it looks like Idol will be bringing back spoiled goods by bringing back these past rejects. And here's a gift to them, as when Simon's humiliating them this winter in front of their friends, family and entire nation, they can tell him "At least I wasn't Wonderdog!"


Another year, another VFTW Victory!, but how can it not be with this show, with every one of this year's cast giving the most pathetic chart performances EVER. American Idol's a joke, and VFTW is here to laugh very hard at it. The illusion of this show producing stars or having any relevance in music died long ago. So give it up tards, fat housewives, fan boys and the rest, and jump aboard the VFTW train in 2010 as the show goes down in flames, with VFTW conducting the train. Choo Choo!