Well, it's late May again; time to watch all the TV finales, get ready for summer, and to celebrate all the VFTW Victories! we always have during American Idol. Season 9 was a season of change (sic. decay) for American Idol but one thing that never changes is that there's always a worst. And while the show struggles with pathetic ratings and Simon leaving, VFTW struggled with choosing only one person as our pick from what was the worst cast EVER. Struggled until one young, shirtless, clueless man smiled his way into our lives, making VFTW history in the process. Read on to re-visit all the VFTW Victories we celebrated this year...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Season 8 was very successful for VFTW as Adam Lambert and Danny Gokey gave us enough jackass moments to fill ten forums. But one leftover from AI8 were a group of American Idol reject retreads, giving us the first warning that AI had run out of any decent new contestants. Kara was back and wanted people to stop calling her bitch, so now they call her whore after posing in Maxim. It was embarrassing last year how Kara drooled like a starving cougar over the male contestants so they needed someone to drool over the female contestants, hence the addition of new judge Ellen Degeneres.

 

With the departure of Paula, the show used a series of guest judges for the auditions, and people like Posh Spice, Joe Jonas and Avril Lavigne set the tone for the uselessness of this season. But even more pathetic than these guest judges were the pathetic sob stories from this year's auditioners, something that has become as much a part of the show as VFTW laughing at you. It's always exciting to guess which auditioners will make the Top 24...exciting until VFTW and friends keep spoiling the Top 24, once again easily getting around all attempts to keep this information from us!

 

For some reason, AI was desperate for a girl to win this year, and they made sure of this by stacking the male contestants with the ugliest group of males we've ever seen. And while we saw many retreads in the auditions, one contestant AI never wants to see back is Michael Castro, and they made sure by giving him the ultimate humiliation, being put in a montage of Adam Lambert Wannabes lol.

 

We could feel the ole' VFTW spirit returning when a Florida Woman was arrested after stabbing her boyfriend for arguing about American Idol. And all cougars and housewives could feel something else returning when Casey James was forced to take his shirt off to pass his audition. But Casey seemed to keep his shirt on for his mugshots for his multiple convictions on DUI...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But one auditioner who said I'll see your two convictions and raise you a tazering was Antonio "Skii Bo Ski" Wheeler. He wowed America with his audition , but really wowed VFTW with the reports of Skii Bo Ski being tazed after swallowing crack Cocaine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While things went from bad to worse with Casey and Skii Bo Ski, they went to downright repulsive with contestant Chris Golightly. If there's one thing VFTW knows, it's who's a douchebag, and we knew Chris was one from the start. I still don't know (nor care) what happened to Chris, but his sorry ass was kicked out of the Top 24 after definitely making it...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But Chris would not Go Lightly, going out in a giant flame of doucheness by continually lying about the specifics of his disqualification and refusing to shut up about being eliminated. And while orphans everywhere cried for the loss of Chris, VFTW cried for the loss of one of the greatest could've been VFTW picks...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As we moved into Hollywood, we began meeting some of the contestants we'd be mocking this season. And those we'd expose as plants, such as Didi Benami, who worked with the co-writer of the song she chose for Hollywood Week. And it didn't take long for the World to see that this was going to be the worst cast ever, and ratings continued to go down during the season like a sinking oil freighter in the Gulf of Mexico, reaching a new low with Sinatra Week. And speaking of new lows, we met Todrick Hall, and VFTW became a soundboard of truth for all the poor chill-run who had been ripped off by Fraudrick in his Musicals for Cash scheme.

 

The Top 24 would get sound mentoring on how to be VFTW's pick this season from mentors such as Miley Cyrus and Adam Lambert. And one contestant this had an immediate effect upon was Haeley Vaughn (Go Pooter!), who lisped her way into VFTW's hearts to become our first female pick this year...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Haeley was too awesome for America to handle so our next female was Paige Miles who, umm, I'm not sure what she did. But someone who was a bit more cared about was Alex Lambert, whose fans started a petition to get him back on the show. Hey Alex tards, I just spoke with the AI producers and they're still mulling over your petition, so don't give up!

 

VFTW faced one of it's greatest challenges this year...choosing only one boy from what was the most dreadful collection of male contestants ever. Difficult until Tim Urban (who wasn't even supposed to be on the show! lol) smiled his way into America's lives. Tim made everyone smile with his VFTW antics, except the other Tim Urban who had been on a different reality show and kept on getting messages from people who seemed retarded on how much they liked his singing.

 

Our Tim Urban's first performance of Apologize eliminated any doubt that he should be our pick, but VFTW had evil plans as we spread shirtless pics of Tim around the net to get the teen girls and housewives over to our side!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Timmy would gradually embrace the VFTW spirit each week we kept him on the show, making it loud and clear when he gave a Timmy Slide across the stage! VFTW's evil plan was working and we began spreading pics of him with animals (to pick up the bleeding heart vote), orphans (to attract the fundie vote) and guns (to solidify the fundie vote). Tim became an unstoppable sliding, smiling VFTW Machine as we easily got him to the Top Ten and onto the American Idol tour!

 

And for the one or two people in the Universe who questioned our pick, that all ended on Soul Night, when Tim sucked the soul out of Sweet Love. The judges and tards were getting angry as Timmy kept on knocking off their favorites, and Timmy hate started spreading around the net. Meanwhile, as the show was sinking, millions started jumping aboard Timmy's and VFTW's ship, including the USA Today. But one person not jumping aboard the Tim train was bitter eliminated contestant Didi Benami, who hated Tim. But Timmy and VFTW know haters will be haters, and Tim kept on smiling, dodging bullets (especially in the bottom 3), and laughing at the judges...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...until he became the longest-running VFTW Pick EVER by surviving an unbelievable Nine Weeks! And you'd think Tim would appreciate VFTW helping him onto the tour and getting him more money than he'd ever see in his entire lifetime, but apparently not, as Tim hated being our pick. Oh well, haters will keep on hating, while VFTW will continue to spread love...and Timmy can kiss my ass!

 

While it was sad to see Tim go (not really), making our next pick was easy as there had been a certain young lady who had been screeching for VFTW's attention all season...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A lot of Worsters (and undercover tards) were longing for Siobhan to be our pick, and why not, with her screeching, horrendous interviews, alienation from the cast, general overall freakiness and how she Talked...... Too....... Slow. And while Siobhan's run didn't last long, she did embrace our spirit by singing like she was squeezing out VFTW babies...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We made Fat Mike our next pick but decided to switch to Casey James, because we can. Casey had always loomed as a potential VFTW pick, with his multiple convictions, gay rumors, frau baiting, and general awfulness. And Casey knows how to win American Idol...by pandering to the largest voting block on this show; desperate housewives and cougars, by doing Mrs. Robinson...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And like a cattle call, all of Casey's fans came running for his homecoming...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And while Casey is learning about his fans, he also learned what it means to be VFTW's pick when he was forced to change his song choice for the Top 3. But who could really hate someone who comes from a hometown who gave Simon this farewell tribute...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We always get fair weather Worsters who never want us to have a pick for the final two, but there's always a worst, and this season there's someone even beyond the worst; Lee Dewyze. In what will be a fitting climax to the worst season ever, VFTW is readying to tip the scales in Lee's direction this Tuesday night to give American Idol their least talented (and dumbest!) winner ever! Lee will need our help as Crystal will be getting support from kinky places! Pigpen probably thought she'd have our support to help her win the finale after giving a shout out to VFTW earlier this season on her Facebook and Twatter...

 

Crystal Bowersox: Pigpen was always my favorite character on charlie brown. All about the under-dog. I love you, VTW!!!! Keeps me smiling.

 

Hopefully Lee won't be too nervous this week as VFTW awaits his crowning moment this coming Wednesday...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While VFTW's focus was on this season, it's always nice getting news regarding past contestants and VFTW friends. For example, former Idol contestants Chikeze and Stephanie Edwards were arrested. VFTW friend Julissa Veloz is entering the Top 10 Dance Chart with her song Take Control while VFTW favorite Mark Day is at Number 1 on the Fierceness Chart with I Ain't Gay (But My Boyfriend Is!). England continues to feel the VFTW love as someone funded this Jedward and Vanilla Ice collaboration. VFTW friend Ayla Brown released an album and, according to her father, is single! Another longtime VFTW friend, Carly Smithson, got a job in an Evanescence cover band and hopefully all the hatred she got while on Idol prepared her well for all the hatred of the Evanescence fans. Much better than Evanescence are Powerfox and Ponymane, who became VFTW's unofficial in-house band. And if VFTW were a band, Normund Gentle would be its lead singer, gracing us with VFTW goodness like Bitchslap!.

 

This was a season of change for American Idol, and all these changes sucked. No one knows what's coming next season with Simon Cowell leaving, Randy Jackson possibly leaving and X-factor coming, but one thing that will not change is that there will always be a worst, and VFTW will be there to support (and laugh at) it! In the short-term, we can look forward to the upcoming American Idol tour, where the female contestants better get used to being asked Can you get this signed by Casey and Lee?