Year 10 of American Idol was a season of change (Simon leaving/Nigel returning, new judges, completely selling out to the fundies, etc.) but there was one thing that never changes: There's ALWAYS a worst, and VFTW was there to support it! No one knew what to expect when the season began but, upon reflection, how could there have been any doubt it was going to be anything other than a complete trainwreck, giving us the most VFTW season since AI6. Read on to re-visit all the great VFTW moments of the past season...

 

 

Our review begins with the conclusion of Season 9, when all of last year's contestants were looking forward to getting their music careers started, becoming famous and making lots of money. But, like all of this year's contestants are going to soon find out, their delusional dreams were quickly crushed as they started canceling one Idol concert after another, forcing them to lower ticket prices to $20. Even at that price, the American Idol brand now has the power to draw pathetic crowds like this one in Milwaukee...

 

VFTW has known for many years that American Idol was a dead brand, and that's why it was so easy for us to predict that last year's winner Lee Dewyze (remember him?) was going to be a complete flop.

 

Despite this show producing one flop winner after another (and arguably doing more harm to contestant's careers than good), there are still millions of desperate people in America who think going on television will give some meaning to their otherwise dreadful lives, so Season 10 went on. One person, however, who realized this ship had sunk was Simon Cowell, who jumped off board at the end of last season. There was lots of speculation which direction the show would go in, and it moved in an extremely positive one when they fired useless judge Ellen Degeneres and flushed Kara Dioguardi down the toilet. An early indicator that it was going to be VFTW's season came when Idol announced, in a desperate attempt to get them some Justin Bieber money, that the audition age has been lowered to 15. And with so many of today's famewhores being discovered on the internet (eg. Andrew Garcia, Rebecca Black), Idol began accepting MySpace auditions, which gave VFTW a vast crop of wannabes to mock much earlier than we usually get.

 

As the season approached, speculation on who the new judges would be grew and the show made sure to milk this for all it was worth, leaking false rumors by the day. Some of the rumored names included Courtney Love, Jessica Simpson and Howard Stern, which all would've been very entertaining. But Idol decided to go with the un-entertaining, naming Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler as the new judges, whom turned out to be big pussies who are so afraid of offending any of their fanbase that the worst criticism they can give is I liked it.

 

But the most VFTW-friendly news may have been the return of VFTW nemesis Nigel Lythgoe as the show's Producer. VFTW has been screwing with Uncle Nigel for years and tweeted him to tell him how excited we were to have him back, almost as excited as he seemed to be that we're still around...

 

 

Nigel really embraced the internet this season, regularly having online hissy fits against the losers who watch his show.

As the season approached, we began meeting some of the people who are way too cool to actually make this glamorized karaoke contest, like Bekuh BOOM! and Nathan Scarsbrook. The show tried to be sneaky by moving around some things to avoid us spoiling all their contestants, which failed miserably as VFTW and joesplace once again spoiled the Top 40

 

As auditions began, it didn't take long to see the impact of Nigel's return when the show had child porn on it. And one person who didn't mind that was new judge Steven Tyler, who quickly got attention for hitting on the underage girl contestants, making JLo miserably jealous.

 

One of our favorite early audioners was Jackie Wilson and her Daddy/Boyfriend. But the auditioner who stole VFTW's hearts was Inessa Lee, who understandably didn't make the show as she would've made every other contestant look like little turds in comparison. (Stefano Langone looked like a little turd even without her around).

 

As has become the norm on this show, we were flooded with an endless stream of pathetic sob stories, but this year we meet the Mother of all pathetic pandering sobsters, Chris Medina. It wasn't enough that he went on and on about the unfortunate events that happened to his girlfriend to pander to this show, he forced her family to wheel the poor girl into the audition room, which she absolutely hated. It didn't take long for Medina to cash in from the pathetic people who watch this show, raising enough cash to buy Juliana a fleet of diamond-encrusted wheelchairs. But Chris' sob story began backfiring when America (especially VFTW) became completely turned off by his story, realizing what a pandering douchebag he was. It also didn't help when we discovered he sang about as well as Sanjaya and if there had been any doubt it was going to be VFTW's season, it all went away when the show itself got completely turned off by Chris and cut his pathetic ass!

 

Eventually we found out who our Top 24 were, and it was almost a Top 23 as Casey Abrams barely survived being on this show, being rushed to hospital and then making multiple return emergency visits for what turned out to be severe case of Poopitis...

 

And VFTW may have discovered the source of Casey's never-ending poops as we learned early on that he was dating Haley and had other weird things going on in his life.

 

The beginning of the Top 24 shows means it's time for VFTW to make its first picks and on the Boy's side there was one rainbow-colored, unicorn-shaped cookie who stood out...

 

Brett Lowenstern easily became our Boy's pick (and almost our Girl's pick too!) with his hair flippingly-tastic version of Light My Fire, and just being a wonderful rainbow cookie in general...

 

-Brett with Justin Blubber

Meanwhile, this year's Girl's Top 12 was really a Top 15 as VFTW favorite Rachel Zevita made it! We were hoping she'd give a reason to make her our pick, and boy did she ever with her cape throwingly-tastic performance of Criminal!

 

While both were cut, VFTW wasn't too concerned as it was already clear this year's cast was going to give us a surplus of contestants who would make great VFTW picks, contestants like...

 

Naima Adidapo, who brought the Boom Fire! VFTW love. There was Stefano Langone, who was arrested for DUI, had his mom's cooking flamed in front of the entire nation and is a general delusional troll. But those who've been around VFTW awhile knew we had only one choice, one that would make American Idol's worst nightmare come true, an unmarketable White Guy With Guitar winner for the fourth year in a row...

 

Although we chose Paul mostly for being a WGWG (and for his glaringly white teeth) we quickly learned Paul had so many more VFTW qualities than we had bargained for, whether it was his dancing, shouting How y'all doin' tonight!, outrageous outfits and general Dudeness. Paul's dancing was especially VFTW worthy and had us all gettin' down with Dancing Paul...

 

 

Paul and VFTW began a great run, first crushing the dreams of Asston Jones. The next contestant Paul and VFTW knocked off was Karen Rodriguez, a walking Latina-American stereotype who made sure her fan base knew every week that she spoke Spanish, helping VFTW learn phrases like América odiaba esta puta.

 

While knocking off token fodder like Asston and Karen was fun, VFTW's season really started the next week when we saved Paul and got Casey eliminated, forcing the judges to waste their only save of the season, giving us a Top 13 for the Finals.

 

With that transparent gimmick out of the way, Paul and VFTW really picked up steam. Paul got so comfortable that he started singing about sitting outside masturbating...

 

With the save having been wasted so early, the show had to have a double elimination and Paul and VFTW crushed twice as many dreams with the eliminations of Naima Adepapo and Thia Megia. Paul's support at VFTW continued growing (as was the rage of the fans of the contestants who we had knocked off) and we hoped we had picked up a new ally, the teentards who watch Twilight, with the news that Paul was dating Nikki Reed, who is supposedly famous for doing something. No matter to VFTW, we'll take any support for our pick we can get!

 

We were having more and more fun with Paul and wondered what VFTW Victory he'd bring us next, and it turned out to be one of the greatest VFTW Victories ever when we shocked the entire nation by knocking off mega-pimped Pia Toscani!

 

And if there was any doubt it was VFTW who were responsible for this elimination that the entire nation wouldn't shut the fuck up about, the geniuses who sent us hate mail, with all their threats and spelling errors, certainly had none. They were almost as whiny as Nigel, who threatened to have the judges pick who goes home, which would only counter the entire premise of his dreadful show.

 

Pia getting cut made VFTW's season, and just in time as Paul was cut the following week. There was still one problem which we had had since the beginning of the season...too many amazing potential VFTW picks! A lot of names were considered but the VFTW connoisseur knew Casey Abrams, especially after doing Smells Like Teen Spirit, had all the growling and pooping qualities to be our pick (along with being completely unmarketable)...

 

Whatever people thought of our pick, it was all worth while when VFTW and Casey knocked off Stefano Langone, whose ego's as big as he is dwarf-like. Unfortunately, Casey's run came to an end a week later as he was cut (again) but there's sure to be one final VFTW moment of glory from Casey as he'll be performing with Jack Black at Finale!

 

Five contestants left, five viable VFTW picks too. But there was one lucky lady whom many of us had wanted to give our love to all season...

 

Jacob had given us VFTW performances all season and didn't disappoint when he did both parts of No Air...

 

Predictably, Jacob was cut and it was time to get serious as our support could push one of the final four over the top. Many wanted James Durbin, who had spazzed his way through this season while enraging Adam Lambert because he was a much better version of him...

 

But we waited until showtime, knowing that Lady Gaga being mentor would bring any hidden freak any of these contestants may have had in them. And that freak was Haley Reinhart, whom we had enjoyed all season with her sassy stonerness, growling and supporting Casey's pooping. Haley had lots of VFTW attitude, mocking the show and its entire process, laughing away whether it was being in the bottom three or at one eliminated contestant after another who had been pimped more than her...

 

After we picked Haley for the Top 4 show, the judges were determined to get her eliminated by throwing her under the bus, with Randy Jackson leading the attack...

 

 

But becoming VFTW's pick emboldened Haley, as she fought back with the judges, just like a true Worster would! And one of the scrappiest contestants we've ever seen made the Top 3, getting James Durbin knocked off the show!

 

We really fell for Haley, and she fell for us too...

 

Haley was eliminated, leaving us with a dreadful Teen All-Cuntry Finale. Some fair weather Worsters say we should quit now but VFTW knows there's always a worst. Lauren Alaina's flashed certain VFTW qualities this season, whether it's her meltdowns on elimination nights...

 

Or her dreadful wardrobe choices...

 

Or her fans giving us the name Ceiling Fat...

 

But any VFTW moments CF may have had this season have all been overshadowed by someone much more VFTW than her...her mother!...

 

Scotty, meanwhile, is a one-trick pony, and his one trick SUCKS!. Cuntry radio is already warning us they have no interest in him. He makes weird faces, looks like Alfred E. Newman, all he can say is babylockthemdoors and is creepy in general. And he's a White Guy With Guitar, so we're picking him to fulfill our original mission, to give American Idol another unmarketable WGWG!

 

American Idol has completely sold out to the fundies in a desperate attempt to get their winner to actually sell a few records, so VFTW hopes America enjoys the final product of their pandering...