Now that one I might actually pay for Baio - except for the whole penis thing *shudder*

I'm getting tired of all these haters. This website is awesome. Not like it makes a huge difference in the votes or anything. Less than 1 percent. So to all the people leaving negative comments: chill out. It all in good fun. oh, and btw, David Archuleta does suck.

After all of the threats of lawsuits from Fremantle Media/19 Entertainment yielding nothing, finally comes the post with the power to send Dave running for the shower curtain.

Ten things I learned from the mailbag.

1) Tweentards are horomonally unstable.

2) Webites have genders, and sexually encounter one another.

3) David Archuleta was sooo going to win because he is waaaay better than stupid David Cook.

4) AI shouldn't be compared to bull fighting, since their singing is what probably killed the bull.

5) 61 year old grandmothers can be wicked.

6) Ryan Seacrest truly has the power of hypnosis, or is very, very persuasive.

7) People are obsessed with gays.

8) David has gaspy breathing due to a medical problem that causes him to have shortened breaths.

9) There is a thirteen year old female, assumed to be heterosexual, who isn't going to marry David Archuleta. Gasp.

10) Everyone's a hypocrite and a douche, no matter how grammatically correct their comments are.

David Archuleta sucks hard go to DADDY ,DAVID COOK ROcks

I couldn't agree with you more. I find it impossible to get even one joke in on this group.

"I LUV YOU DAVID AND AM YOUR BIGGEST 13 YEAR OLD FAN. I MADE MY OWN CLOTHING OF YOU!"

If that means an Edgar suit (e.g., Men in Black), s/he'll look really creepy on the tour.

"David Archuleta is the best and I am in complete love with him. He has a strict dad, but Jeff still loves David. I know I do! He always rocks...I LUV YOU DAVID AND AM YOUR BIGGEST 13 YEAR OLD FAN. I MADE MY OWN CLOTHING OF YOU!" -Jenay

Dear Jenay, Let's take your points one at a time. Davis is the least rocking of the Idol contestants. Surely there must be another 400 pound 13 year old fantard out there, maybe someone who is even bigger than you (being the biggest isn't healthy). Obsessed 13 year old girls, especially fat ones, should not be allowed to watch Silence of the Lambs, it gives 'em ideas about making clothing out of their heroes.

"I've ran your code through the W3C's markup validation service, and they found 34 errors in your code that makes it non-valid XML 1.0 Transitional. Just thought you should know." -Bradley

Dear Bradley, Your city's comic book store is hosting a Magic Tournament this weekend. Just thought you should know.

"OK, I get that you're gay by the boys you choose to feature." -Rob

Dear Rob, We're now responding to a letter from a boy we've chosen to feature: you. Gosh, you're right, it does make us gay.

"Do you honestly think that a gay website like this that was obviously created by people with no life is really gonna make a difference when about 53 million people alone vote!" -Maura

Dear Maura, I have been reading your sentence, quoted above, to my 11 year old son; each time I reads it aloud, we both laugh and laugh. No matter how we try, we can't get it to make any sense. Years from now, my son will be laughing at your retatded children's letters to our site.

"David Archuleta is sooooo going to win! im gonna vote for him all night!" -Ashley

Dear Ashley (Ferl), How did that work out for you? Want a kleenex?

I'm going to miss the caricatures -Nik-C

Dear Nic-C, You can buy the caricatures, they are selling on ebay.

"I'm sorry but your site is not true at all. Watch tonight's performance and although I love david cook, david archuleta is much better all 3 rounds went to david archuleta so i think a little vote for the worst cartoon change is in order thank you very much" -Alyssa

Dear Alyssa, Ready for some truth from our website? You are a teeny fucktard twat with no ability to gauge musical quality except through your "I have a crush on a boy, and I'm going to marry him" fucktard filter.

"I totally agree with your decision as David A as the worst. After he sang the beetles" -Melissa

Dear Melissa, Do you know why there was never a musical experience called Beetlemania? It is because there was never a band called the Beetles. David A. ruined the Beatles, and you ruined our mailbag.

"My issue is that you hate on the contestants. I think it's just rude that you attack people...P.S. - I'm guessing that most emails you get from thirteen year old girls have to do with how awesome David Archuleta is and how you suck and their going to marry him. Well for the record, I'm a thirteen year old girl. Not all of us are like that." -Sanjana

Dear Sanjana, My issue is not that you hate on the other letter writers, most of them being 13 year olds who think David Archuleta is awesome and who want to marry him; my issue is that you think you are any different from us. We mock contestants, you mock fellow 13 year old girls.

"technically this would make [David A.] "the worst," but for whatever reason, this year it seems that American Idol WANTS us to Vote for the Worst. VFTW stated mission is to go against what the AI producers want...I'm very disappointed."

-Rod

Dear Rod, If American Idol wants us to vote for the worst, and we want to vote for the worst, perhaps our mission statement needs to be modified to allow for us to support the producers when they blunder...oh wait, that is inherently part of what we do. You are very disappointing. Tard.

"I was very offended by the picture you posted of the bull fighter and the matador. Using a picture from such an abusive sport is supporting it. The poor bull probably died, you can even see the blood running down its back! When you use pictures, please be a little more considerate of who may be seeing them." -Julia

Dear Julia, I may have to change my avatar to a bleeding, dying, bull to memorialize your stupid letter.

"Hey Vote For The Worst People, I just wanted to say that I USED to hate your sites but now I come here every day and support it because I now know (thanks to you) that AI is rigged so keep up the good work and just know that you have good loyal fans out here and let's all "Vote for the Worst" BTW you guys are freakin hiliarious." -Cory

Dear Cory, Occasionally we are hilarious as well.

"Whats more stupid? The show or the person who hates the show but keeps watching it?" -Jon

Dear Jon, the most stupid is the person who hates a website so much that they visit it, read the posts, and write letters to it to show how much they hate it.

"I've been on your website just about every Tuesday &; Wednesday night of American Idol this year. My name is Lyssa and I'm seventeen years old from a small town in Wisconsin. I am a huge fan of American Idol but unlike some of the mail you get, I actually ENJOY your website. You probably don't get positive messages as much as you should and deserve. I can tell that you not only put a lot of work and effort into your site but you enjoy what you do. I am a huge fan of David Archuleta but I still love your site just as much even though he has now been crowned the worst. I actually think it's good because that way people that follow your site and use it to vote by will vote for him as well so he can beat David Cook. All this season I have thought you were right on with your pics for the worst. I'm actually quite disappointed with myself that I didn't follow the site other seasons because it has made this season all the more entertaining for me to get more than one biased view on the show. I wanted to thank you guys for all the work you put into the site and for giving me an extra more juicy side dose of my favorite show, American Idol." -Lyssa

Dear Lyssa, How can I make fun of you when you are thoughtful, intellegent, logical, spell correctly, make use of grammar and punctuation correctly, and, most problematicly, when I agree with you? When you graduate from high school, and turn 18, consider moving to California and marrying me.

"you're all fantards. So, can you admit to that...please?" -Matthew

Dear Matthew, Fantards, yes. Fucktards, no.

"What's the deal with all the little girlie's standing in front of the stage as if this were some John Lennon love fest???? Waving their arms in the air like they were swatting flies. It's so ridiculous." -Christine

Dear Christine, You are indeed a pretty hip Granny. I am pleased that you find the girls only mosh pit ridiculous, as well as Paula's comments, and the guest mentors. Much about the show can drive you crazy, unless you buy your own pair of Worster goggles to view the show through. Ridiculous becomes glorious.

"One thing I've noticed though that I love about you guys is that you support Idols you have supported in the past even after Idol. And raising money for lupus (when Leslie Hunt was going to be on your radio show) was awesome. Keep it up please!" -Tom

Dear Tom, Stop it. We are bad, very bad. We're GAY FAG ASS MONKEYS, we're all GOING TO HELL.

"Why didn't you have people vote for Jason Castro,or that rocker chick with the skunk hair,or someone that could possibly be labeled as "the worst." Instead you pick the absolute BEST? Wow." -Matt

Dear Matt, We did pick the rocker chick with the skunk hair. We did pick Jason Castro. We did pick David Archuleta. Each was the worst in their own time. Let me just finish by noting that you, Matt, are a fucktard supreme with special sauce.

Firstly I am a 61 yr old pretty hip Grandmother who loves music...

And here I thought my 64 year old mother was the only person over 60 who watched Idol. Ah well. I'll have to break the news to her that she's not the only one.