I'm really not in the mood at this point to write a blog after tonight's results show. I just wanted to put this up as a place for us to to rant. Things will be back to normal next week. I welcome you to use this blog as a forum to make any comments you'd like about what happened Wednesday night, and don't hold back, as I won't.

This was a really bad night for Canadian Idol, and for VFTW. I realize that CI will always be AI's little cousin but at least this season had the promise of being entertaining. Instead, we're left with the cast of some high school production of Snow White. I realize Mounts was a love/hate type, but you're telling me Khalila or Martha have more value? And Tyler may be all over the place, but do Matt, Dwight or Brian have greater value? And I'll say it right here and I don't care what anyone says: Not only do I think that Liam was the most talented contestant on this show by far, I think he's better than any of the boys on AI6.

As for VFTW, we'll pick up the pieces. Stuff will come up. We'll have fun, but things will never be what they could've been. And CTV is in serious trouble.

Anyway, that's all I have to say for now. We'll get back to normal next week and have a blog up after the first Top 10 show. Please leave any comments you'd like. I'll add comments as you guys respond.

STP (smarterthanpickler)

It's the last chance for the girls to prove that we shouldn't be going with an All-Male Top 10 this season. Ben tells us the Idols will be fighting for the chance to work with some of the biggest names in the music business, like Peter Noone. They'll also be fighting to get that record contract, make a crappy, generic album that will sell seventeen copies and fade into obscurity before next season begins. Ben engages the judges in the most meaningless dialogue heard since Larry King interviewed Paris Hilton.

Annika Odegard

The judges' favourite whipping post (and VFTW's favourite virgin) is first in Annika. She tells us her parents are off in Europe, which is hopefully far away enough not to have heard about the humiliation their daughter faced last week. Annika shows she appreciates VFTW's support by promising to do more Joss Stone songs in the future. She's playing piano and doing Ordinary Day and sounds like Vanessa Carlton when she's having a hard time squeezing one out. Annika's heartbeat is about five beats per minute, which means she's showing more life than last week. But despite slight improvement, the vocals are still so VFTWlicious, flat and shaky. And Annika tries her best to give us an eye f*** but looks more like an inquisitive nun. Jake thinks she's so natural, but he must not be talking about the contrast between her hair and eyebrows. Annika's getting better comments all around, although comparing her to rabies would be a compliment after last week. Annika cries Praise Jesus! for her better fortune, but satan-worshipper Zack says ...I don't know how much the Lord had to do with it. I don't know about Zack's and Annika's lords, but VFTW's Lord (Sanjaya), Father (Fafu) and Holy Spirit (JPL?) should be more than enough to get Annika through to the Top 10.

Khalila G?/Gee?/Glanville?

Khalila What's-her-name is next. Ben asks her if there are any future Canadian Idols at the daycare where she works. VFTW doesn't have the heart to tell these innocent children that Canadian Idol and Khalila will be all washed up and long gone by the time they're old enough to be on this crapfest. She's doing For You I Will by Monica and with her curly hair and prom dress, looks like Jordin Sparks has gone on a crash diet (major crash!). This performance has little VFTW relevance until Khalila hits a Corpsey Lebland note that makes Worsters pay closer attention. She's pleasant and mature, but so is Barbra Bush. Farley's glad she did some vocal gymnastics, but wishes she could reach the Chris Richardson level. Sass says there's no Wow! Factor, which is Canadian for It Had No 'Yo! While I have nothing against Khalila, I hope she's eliminated tomorrow night as her niceness and decent ability is giving me nothing to rip her about, and this makes me very angry!!!

As we come back from break, Ben reminds us that if you have any extra money that you'd like to throw in the garbage, CI will be doing its very own Idol Gives Back scam later this year.

Carly Rae Jepson

Carly Fake's next and Ben doesn't care anymore if people know he wants to bang her hard. He tells her that despite the fact that she's in a swing band, she hasn't swung yet. Thinking she's around twelve, Ben tells her he'd like to date her when she turns twenty-one. When she snootishly tells Ben that she's already twenty-one, he ends the show by yelling Good Night Canada! And Carly gives Canada its very own pronunciate moment when she says that ...I want my song to be relatable. Carly continues to show her ironic side by saying she's ...going with my gut despite not having one. She's doing the Annie Lennox-meets-Aqua version of Bob Marley's Waiting in Vain. It's a classic Carly Fake performance, with the looks, eyelashes, missed notes, children porn qualities we've all come to expect. The judges have basically proclaimed her The Chosen One and are pimping her hard, saying they are prepared to ignore all the missed notes and phony affectations that Carly will bring as she fakes her way to the top 10.

Tara Oram

Cold Plates Tara is next and Ben tries to match her Picklerness by pointing out that she seems to like country music. She says she's going to do a Killer Chick Song, which reminds me it's only been two weeks since Christine Hanlon was eliminated. Tara's doing Martina McBride's When God Fearing Women Get The Blues and makes Gretchen Wilson look sophisticated by comparison. Tara's doing her usual fake Newfy performance, which is looking good, bouncing around, singing with a fake twang and missing note afer note. And if you look closely at the end of her performance, Tara has her own Crying Girl, except hers looks like a character out of Deliverance. While she turned up the energy this week, Farley, who wants her bad, says he wants to see even more. She promises that ...I'll jump off the monitor next week. For maximum effect, VFTW suggests that you follow John Brunton's example and leap off the roof instead.

Montana Martin Iles: xxMounts!1!One!BFFxx

Our favourite skateboarder with a lip ring, skunk hair, ratty clothes and messages in marker written on her hands, is next. And in her special way, she manages to turn the statement Hi Dad! I'm on TV! into one of the most bizarre moments in Western Culture. She says you cannot fake emotion, although Carly Rae would argue otherwise. She talks about her accent, which is becoming this year's Antonella Barba Photo Scandal. But even more shocking than Antonella sitting on a toilet, Mounts shocks us by telling us that she's going to (try) to actually sing tonight. She's doing Ironic by Alanis Morrisette and it's like 10 0000 spoons when all you need is a voice. And isn't it ironic, don't 'cha think, that her accent is worse than ever. Mounts must avoid things with "th", like Thanks or Martha. And it's like rain on your wedding day when Sass tells her that she hit one wickedly clunker note. But nothing's more ironic than Perez Hilton calling someone gay.

Martha Joy

CTV tries to make Mounts look bad again by having her number one enemy (of many!) follow her, bully Martha Joy. We find out that The Joyless One can be boring in six different languages. She promises to show the more Joyful side of her tonight and, joy of joys, she's doing Celine! And the only thing Idol about this performance are Martha's Kelly Clarkson Thighs. Again, pretty girl, pleasant voice, sweet personality...everything that makes Canada and VFTW puke. Sass officially becomes VFTW Enemy #2 (after Nigel Lythgoe) when she encourages Martha to do more luscious ballads. Zack believes that between Martha's Celine and Jaydee's and Tara's country music, he's gone straight to Hell. Jake's impressed with how Zack is able to slag so many people at once, but if he wants to see some real slagging, all he has to do is visit all the Martha hate threads at the different Idol boards.

'Mila Miller

Producer John Brunton stoops to his most desperate level as for the second consecutive night, he reserves the pimp spot for some doomed fellow Ontarian. Mila blabbers something about 'Fro Lightning! but has cut off her nose to spite her face as she has no 'fro tonight (robbed!). She's doing Rehab and looks almost as sloshed as Amy Whinehouse as she's lying on the piano in the Steffi D position. And even if I hear it a million times, singing the line ...trying to make me go to rehab will always gain someone VFTW points. After holding a relatively innocent pose on the piano, she turns up the skank-meter by lying on her stomach, giving the piano player one long eye f*** and possibly making the piano itself feel very uncomfortable. Sass gives Mila the most backhanded compliment ever by saying ...it was a great imitation. And Zack sums up this entire trainwreck of a season by saying ...I'm glad someone didn't do a song written in 1937. That's reserved for the cast of AI6.

Final Rant

Well, we've finally made it through the semis and now have a much better idea of the people who'll be humiliating themselves in front of their families, friends and entire nation this summer. Carly Rae and Tara will continue their fight as to who's the bigger fake. Mounts and Martha should be able to continue their rivalry and may give hope to the Jews and Arabs yet. Khalila, see you back in Montreal on Thursday. That leaves Mila and Annika fighting for the final spot. All things being equal, Mila should make it, but all things are not equal as VFTW has put its support and mighty (and sometimes scary!) resources behind Annika, allowing Canada one final chance to put its white hood on tomorrow night as we move on to a Top Ten whiter than a Canadian winter.

STP (smarterthanpickler)

I welcome all your reviews, so don't be shy. This is a place for all of us to put our thoughts. And if you do have any thoughts, leave a comment, send me a message or go join John Brunton on the roof tomorrow night.

It's time for the Top 9 Girls and as the opening credits roll, we see that Canadian Idol is produced by John Brunton, who's like Nigel Lythgoe but more experienced in sodomy. Ben comes out and his skin tone sends VFTW Buddy Tyler into a seizure. Our girls come out one at a time like some fashion show from hell. VFTW darling Montana Martin Iles isn't on her skateboard, as Martha Joy is hiding it from her.

Farley is wearing a zebra jacket which he shot and skinned himself. Zack wants no more posing, and that's with Derek already gone. He also says he is sick of stiff, tanned mannequins/Clifton Murray.

Martha Joy

Martha's first and is sitting in the Antonella Barba position, but on a stool. She's singing Josh Grobin's To Where You Are and at one point, either her or the piano player hits the wrong note to create the most gruesome harmony ever. Here's betting it was Martha. Once again, she proves that being pretty and having a nice voice is uselss if you're comatose. Again, she has the warmth of a tombstone. Jake finds it stiff and emotionless, better known as Corpseyish. Zack finds No Joy in Ms. Joy. And to cap her blandness, Martha lets us know that she loooooooooves Josh Grobin!1!1!ONE!WON!1!!

Tara Oram

Fake Newfy Spoongirl is next and her fake Newfy parents are waving two giant fake Newfy flags. Pretending to be Newfy is like Momjaya pretending to like her son's voice. Tara's singing some fake Newfy country crap by Michelle Wright called Safe In The Arms Of Love that's flatter than Pickler's chest before she bought her "new shoes". She begins mumbling the lyrics and shows her professionalism by remaining equally flat during the key change. Farley wants a more physical performance as he likes when Tara moves. Too bad Antonella couldn't have gotten this advice. Zack says she looks like a 12-year-old on TV, which He Likey!, but vocally she's Carrie Underwhelming. Tara shows a little Lakisha 'tude by saying she'd rather look young than old. Looks and fake Newfy flags aside, people are slowly catching on to this one-trick pony.

Naomi-Joy Blackhall

VFTW's favourite dominatrix is next and wants to ease the mind of all Worsters who worry that she might not suck. She's wearing a long, thin dress that makes her look like a whip. She does Here With Me by Dildo Dido and must think this is an audition for the next Search for The Next Pussycat Doll show as she's having sex with a lounge chair, then walking around it as if it were a pole and giving us eye fu**s to spare. And fear not Worsters, she sucks. When she's finished, the camera shows her kid in the audience, who looks very confused. Sass gives her the kiss of death; You're gorgeous! Zack feels that Naomi's proven something; that she can't sing. And Farley proves he's one sick puppy by asking for more edge. While Naomi's supporters will be holding their breathes as to whether she'll survive, VFTW can let it all out as we can sleep easy knowing that our pick will always suck.

Carly Rae Jepson

Our little faker is next in Carly Rae . She does Sweet Ones by Sarah Slean (like Jojo but Canadian/inbreed/worse). Carly gives us some childish burlesque show that looks like something Jon Benet Ramsey would've done had her mother not killed her. Carly slithers her way over to the boys and proves she has an ironic side as she, the skinniest contestant, sits on our fattest contestant's lap, Andrew's. She finishes her skank makeover by glaring at Andrew as she sings If I could have one piece of that! Ben seems to feel left out so Carly gives him a lap dance while he (tries) to read her number. While Carly's ok and has been able to fake her way through this competition so far, let's hope that she never tries to fake being sexy again.

Scarlett Burke

The girl who makes Jessica Shepperd's Mom puke is next and I have one word to sum up this performance: Why? Why in the world choose Proud Mary, which is like some song leftover from AI3 Hell Week, which she would've failed miserably. Jake says he can see better in any bar on Queen Street, where all the trannies hang. Zack gives the most concise comment ever: Nothing, just sitting there in silence, shaking his head No, No, No. Scarlett, you must change strategy. Learn from the wise one; When you can't sing, wear a pair of shades and act really stoned.

Montana Martin Iles

VFTW's Sk8rBoi is next and she's doing Thanks For The Memories by Fallout Boy. But, as always, Montana has a big surprise for us as she does the French version, which is called T'anks for 'da Memories. She comes running out from behind the stage and is wearing a shirt tight enough to end the debate as to whether she has boobs. Montana's thrashing around, moshing, jumping, running, head banging, giving us an almost complete performance. The only thing missing was any singing. Farley likes it and challenges her to actually sing next week. With this performance, Mounts sets a record for the longest anyone has been on Idol without actually singing. But even if she doesn't win this show, the judges assure her she could always win a Lukas Rossi Look-a-like contest.

'Mila Miller

The Afro Formerly Known As Kamila's is next and she's continuing her tribute to Nadia Turner by doing Otis Redding's Try A Little Tenderness. She tries to put her own little funky spin on a song that's being done for the millionth time on Idol. Mila's ok, although sometimes she dips into Macy Gray's cup. The judges stroke her 'fro and Farley calls her 'Killa 'Thrilla 'Mila 'Miller! I'm starting to call her The Appostrophe. I'm in fear that I won't have anything to write for this entry until Ben saves me by saying to 'Mila You have great hair and look...just like me! What's going on, Ben? Did Brunton tell you to be a bigger douchebag, like Seacrest? With your orange skin and new snooty attitude, you're one photo of you spreading your butt cheeks away from getting the job done.

Annika Odegard

CI's sole contestant with a hyman is next in Annika. She's always worn her religious beliefs on her sleeve and once again tonight is praying to Lord Sanjaya with her singing. Pure Annika shows she has an ironic side by doing a song by the biggest skank around, Joss Stone. Annika's singing Super Duper Love and shows barely any pulse, which is actually an improvement over last week. But then we find out that Annika must've crapped in all the judges' bags, said the "N" word to Farley, called Sass an old whore and Zack and Jake Jew Bastards as the judges give her the greatest dressing down seen since Charles Manson was sentenced to prison. Zack admits to being s pathetic loser by saying they made a huge mistake by placing her in the Top 22. Farley says that song needs three cups of soul, of which she has a teaspoon. Poor Annika. She may want to completely change her strategy and start praying to Satan instead. Ben tries to lighten the mood by suggesting some names for her 'tard club. After this week, VFTW would like to suggest The EliminateIkas.

Khalila Glanville

Tonight's pimp spot is reserved for Khalila, who has a last name tonight. She does another leftover from Hell Week when she sings The Four Tops' Can't Help Myself. I didn't know the theme this week was Songs That Annoy The Hell Out Of People and Make Me Want To Kill. The only thing memorable about this performance are all the missed notes. Farley gives his kiss of death by saying she has fantastic shoes (like Pickler's?). And on what is arguably the worst night ever in Idol history (and that's saying a lot!), Zack's had enough. Khalila bares the brunt for all the crappiness that preceeded her tonight. Zack gives us our This is a legit singing contest moment by attacking Khalila for bringing this down to the karaoke level and that CI deserves more than this. I don't know about Canada and CTV, but VFTW got everything it deserved tonight and more!

STP (smarterthanpickler)

If you have anything to say, leave a comment, send me a message or get ready to be humiliated like Annika.