Is Syesha super short or is Wendy super tall? At least Wendy didn't pull out a slim jim and start lighting it on fire. Where's Joel McHale when you need him?

Syesha Mercado, who displayed no personality and nothing original whatsoever during her time on American Idol season 7, is set to be completely unoriginal again by landing a role in the National tour of Dreamgirls. So now she just wants to be Jennifer Hudson? There's no way Syesha will be noticed anywhere near as much as the Boomie, though. Also, it's fitting that Syesha will play the role of a pretty but not very talented singer who becomes famous based purely on looks and nothing else. But hey, congrats, Syesha. You're definitely doing 100 times better than Carly Smithson.

Batshit crazy bore Syesha Mercado is apparently going to be performing on the top 5 results show this year, according to an e-mail we received. Will Coretta Scott Mercado continue to compare her lackluster performing career to the civil rights movement? Or will she just continue to spout out random jibberish catchphrases that she assumes are coming across as inspirational? Either way, we're sure no one has given Syesha a recording contract unless she's putting her big mouth to good use, so the song and performance should be a total flop and a total bore.

ETA: MJ's Big Blog says Syesha is not performing on the top 5 results show. Thank God!

Batshit crazy Syesha Mercado, who often write ridiculously long blogs about how fortunate she is to have 2 fans, recently posted the most unintentionally funny blog yet. She wrote:

"So, I'm a little disappointed right now. Just a little heart broken ya'll. I created an account on AmericanIdol.com to respond to the message boards…to really get connected with you all and keep everyone over there still in AI message board land informed of my Myspace and Facebook. I just really wanted to reply to the many fans that voiced their opinion on Syesha Topics, who voted, and sent encouraging words. Unfortunately I was only able to write a few people and before I knew it my profile and comments were deleted. It was really upsetting."

Translation: She wanted to post to see if anyone remembered her and desperately hang on to that last second of fame before it disappears. Oh, lo! Even the official Idol message boards forgot who Syesha is. She then followed up her blog by posting every intimate detail about her mundane, non-famous life. Syesha, seriously. You're crazy. No one remembers you. No one cares about you. And no one cares that you love gardenia and organic cookies. Except us now. We'll chronicle your psychotic blogs for fun.