We're back and tonight the contestants will be performing songs done by past Idol winners, except for Taylor Hicks and Lee DeWyze, who've been completely erased from this show's history. We see the judges, everyone except Nicki, who still hasn't set her clock ahead an hour like everyone else did last Sunday. Either that or she was too busy eating waffles with buttermilk syrup, which surely is much more fun than judging (or blogging about) the most boring cast that's been on any show EVER. Up first is Curtis and he's looking for advice from Jimmy Iovine. My advice to Curtis would be not to steal computers from his church. Curtis is doing a Fantasia song and says he doesn't want to imitate her but he kind of is with his hideously VFTW wardrobe choice of a paisley jacket and enough melisma to crack marble. Curtis got the Death Spot tonight, and he may be getting the Death Sentence tomorrow when Nigel makes him walk Idol's Green Mile just like he did Jermaine Jones.
It's time for the boys to show America why the judges keep saying they suck compared to the girls. The boys come out to bright flashing lights; Oh wait, it's just Angela's teeth. They show us a new Idol app which includes a meter where you can watch this show's rating continue to plummet. First up tonight is Bieber wannabe Elijah, and he's actually a pretty good Bieber imitator as this is like an eight-year-old girl who can't sing. There are about three notes total in this song and Elijah's hitting 1.6 of them as he has no range at all. The judges know Elijah can't sing but see how he's probably the most current contestant on this show, and I guess they're right as Elijah's as awful as Taylor Swift, Bieber and 95% of the other talentless singers currently out there.
We're ready to move on to a different stage of the season, you know, the one where they pretend it's the public and not the producers who's deciding who's moving on. We see our ten girls and Ryan's spent more time getting his hair and makeup done than all of them combined. Tonight's a bit different as VFTW has made Zoanette our pick before even performing as we know that Zoanette has more entertainment value in one of her fingers than the other nine girls have combined. And how right we were as even the slightly toned Zoanette is still as subdued as a lion devouring its prey alive. Except this lion is wearing hot pants and hair that's her own, or at least it's her own because she bought it! Zoanette's singing in Liberianese again and it sounds something like Whas Nub Got Ta Do Wid Id. While I was trying to figure out what Zoanette was singing, the judges were busy warming up the bus they would roll over our pick multiple times.
It's time for the final ten contestants to perform and as there's no Zoanette tonight, who really cares! But my readers and I must love pain as we watch anyway and good thing as Nicki forgot to take her meds tonight and fully let her VFTW flag fly! We see the ten boys standing in a row and it looks like a police lineup after a Pride Parade turned into a riot. And our first contestant Mathenee Treco was leading that parade. He's a choreographer and his dance style is distinctly VFTW but one question: after being told again and again that the contestants are choosing their own songs, does anyone actually believe that Mathenee voluntarily chose to sing, of all songs in the World, A Little Less Conversation? Nicki's channeling former Idol judge Simon, whether with her British accent or calling this karaoke cheese. The judges have no idea who Mathenee is, and neither does he as this delusional amateur says he's both classic rock and hip hop.