Well, it's only Sunday, but here we are again. I'm less than thrilled about it. We had a decent Wednesday show, but a shitty Thursday show, which makes me think we're in for three more weeks of shitty audition shows. Why is there an OMG EXTRA SPESHUL episode tonight? Well, there were football playoffs tonight, so I suppose the programmers at FOX were hoping for a hefty lead-in from all of those football fans. After all, you know that butch male sports fans make up the core of American Idol fans. No, wait, that's just 50-year-old women who look like linebackers. Anyway, the game ran into overtime, pre-empting the show for nearly an hour. This overtime must have been great for FOX's ratings, because American Idol sure isn't helping with the network's ratings this year.

Today American Idol heads to Pittsburgh, home to the Steelers, the Pirates, and...uh...hmmm. Pittsburgh supposedly has half the freaks Savannah did, because tonight we're only suffering through an hour. And that hour starts with none other than Heejun Han. Heejun seems like a pretty cool guy...if not a little spacey. But since he's Asian, and American Idol loves mocking on Asians and Asian-Americans, he's edited to look like an idiot. He sings "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You", and he sounds pretty good. Randy says he is shocked, as if he's never heard an Asian guy sing well before. He gets three yeses, giving him a trip to Hollywood that might last two whole days. Edit: Turns out he's in the Top 24. So much for that prediction!

Greetings, American Idol fans and anti-fans. Insane here. You may know me from the forums, and/or my Twitter live blogging from last season. This year, I'm here to fill in for Dave, recrapping the audition episodes.

American Idol is kind of like an addiction to meth. It's cheap, it's dirty, it'll eat your brain and your soul, but yet, you keep on coming back for more of that sweet, sweet, brain-consuming poison. That's how it is for me, really. Maybe it's a good thing I'm blogging this year, because otherwise meth would look like a healthier hobby to partake in.

With that said, Season 11 is upon us, whether we like it or not.

Greetings, American Idol fans and anti-fans. Insane here. You may know me from the forums, and/or my Twitter live blogging from last season. This year, I'm here to fill in for Dave, recrapping the audition episodes.

American Idol is kind of like an addiction to meth. It's cheap, it's dirty, it'll eat your brain and your soul, but yet, you keep on coming back for more of that sweet, sweet, brain-consuming poison. That's how it is for me, really. Maybe it's a good thing I'm blogging this year, because otherwise meth would look like a healthier hobby to partake in.

With that said, Season 11 is upon us, whether we like it or not.

This year, American Idol starts with the Savannah, Georgia auditions. I usually tend to like when AI holds auditions in the South, because the South is where they tend to find the most hilariously bad contestants, as well as many of our VFTW picks.

Speaking of which, after the usual prerequisite opening montage (where it's stated that thousands of dreams are born, but fails to state that those thousands of dreams are also crushed), comes our first possible VFTW pick, 12-year-old David Leathers, Jr. Oh wait, David is 17 - he just looks 12. He also reminds me of our very first X-Factor US VFTW pick, Astro. David, like Astro, has yet to hit puberty despite being well into his teens. David also has an ego roughly the size of his home state, North Carolina. He sheepishly admits to Ryan that he once beat Season 10 winner Howdy Doody D. Neuman Scotty McCreery in a local Karaoke contest. He's probably shy about it because he knows it couldn't have been a major accomplishment. Or, he's shy about it because he knows that Scotty's rabid frauen will descend on him like a pack of wolves. Either/or.

David struts in and sings Remember The Rain by Century 21 for the judges. He sounds exactly like a young Michael Jackson during his early Jackson 5 days. The judges, seeing this, state the obvious and instantly make Michael Jackson comparisons. Of course, they then have David sing "Never Can Say Goodbye", because apparently, American Idol never can say goodbye to playing that song to death. David then sails through to Hollywood, where I predict he will be featured causing and participating in friction between his fellow contestants. I can't wait! David is said to be in the Top 42, and I think he's a shoo in to be one of the finalists. All David would need to do is be badass in Hollywood, and give some good sass back to the judges when the time is right, and we could have a great VFTW pick on our hands. Keep that ego strong, David! We're counting on you.

Next up is 16-year-old Gabi Carrubba. Gabi is a tap dancer/kissass. She spawns the first two of what will be many of this year's uncomfortable moments. The first is that she talks about a certain face Steven Tyler makes when he likes an audition. This leads to a horrible hell montage of Steven Tyler puckering his face. Over and over and over again. Really, AI? Did we really need to see that? I love Aerosmith as much as the next guy, but next time just warn me so I can stare at a mutant's anus, which would be far less unpleasant. The next uncomfortable moment came when Gabi runs into the audition and bum rushes Nigel Lythgoe with a hug. Gabi is obviously fascinated with horribly disfigured men. She's in the right place for it, that's for sure.

Gabi sings "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5. She seems nice, she sings OK, but she seems not-quite-ready. Despite this, the judges lick it up like a cat on milk, and sail her through to Hollywood, where she'll probably be cut. But, hey, she only 16, this show won't die, and they love having people try out year after year to continually have their dreams crushed, so if Gabi doesn't make it, I don't necessarily think it will be the last we see of her.

Next we get a quick run through of contestants who made it to Hollywood, but TPTB saw it fit to only include a few seconds of each audition. Included are Brianna Faulk, Neco Starr, and rumored Top 42 contestant Elise Testone. Elise is 28, dresses in her own sort of style, and has a raspy, soulful voice. She comes across as TCFI (Too Cool For Idol), and I think we may see her get cut in the chair episode for that very reason. That may indeed be the best thing for her in the long run.

Next up is 19-year-old Jessica Whitely. At first glance, Jessica seems like a possible Hollywood contender. She's quite pretty, sort of if Pia Toscano was a lot more casual and not an ice queen. She sings at ball games and in pageants. America is starting to like her. Then, she opens her mouth to sing. She sings In The Song by Charice. She sounds just like Charice, that is if Charice had sexual reassignment surgery, and had a bad case of bronchitis and sinusitis. After a long, awkward silence, Randy gives the same face Simon gave when Fantasia performed "Bore Me" a couple of years ago on the AI stage. He then continues to do a poor imitation of Simon by telling Jessica that her singing is awful. Jessica, unfazed by rejection, tells the judges she'll see them in Texas. The judges try to convince her not to waste her time and money, but to no avail. Will we see Jessica on a future show? Why not, we need a laugh.

Now comes the prerequisite freak showof gimmicks, starting with Ryan Seacrest impersonator Shaun Kraisman. He comes dressed in a suit, looking exactly like Ryan. Mr. Gimmick gives a rather uncanny Seacrest impression, and then sings Oh Girl by the Chi-Lites, and actually sounds somewhat better than I expected him to sound. However, he still sounds kind of off, and doesn't get his golden ticket. Maybe he can replace Ryan if he leaves AI. The show will start sounding a long, horrible death rattle at that point, so it doesn't matter if Ryan's replacement is someone off the street.

The show then becomes even more predictable by featuring a teenage girl with a famous pro athlete dad (read: Jordin Sparks), with the ultimate creep-out moment of the season so far. Meet 15-year-old Shannon Magrane, daughter of former St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Joe Magrane and a giraffe. Shannon is six feet tall, so she's probably used to the barrage of tall jokes she's going to get. She comes in and drops her dad's name, likely at the request of the producers. Shannon brings in the whole family. Joe Magrane asks Steven how Boston is. Steven said, "It's hot, humid, and happenin'...just like your daughter!"

AWK-waaaaard. And creepy. Steven, leave the underage girls/giraffes alone before I sic Chris Hansen on your skinny ass.

Anyway, Shannon has it in the bag, not because she's an amazing singer, but because Steven just brought out Pedobear in front of the entire Magrane family. She's a good singer for a 15-year-old, sure, and she is a rumored Top 42 contestant, so we'll be sure to see more of her singing and grazing on high tree leaves.

Then we get a montage of bad singers who the show's producers see as attractive. Remember, this is the show that finds people like Adam Lambert and David Cook attractive, so take this with a grain of salt. Or, go to the bathroom and take a leak. Go ahead, you won't miss anything. Are you back? Then let's watch AI exploit a nice girl named Amy Brumfield, who, like millions of Americans in a harsh economy, has fallen on hard times. She and her boyfriend are dirt-poor, barely employed, and live in a tent in the Tennessee woods. This would be an inspiring story if we didn't know that AI was undoubtedly going to exploit her story and toss her out of Hollywood like a used piece of garbage. And yes, she does get that golden ticket after a good rendition of Superwoman by Alicia Keys. Amy isn't on the rumored Top 42 list, so all we can do at this point is wish her luck and hope that she and her man can get a solid roof over their heads.

No AI audition in the South is complete without the prerequsite ignorant hick. I know I've been using the word 'prerequisite' a lot, but we're talking about The Most Predictable Show In The History Of Everything, so give me a pass on this...but I digress. Meet 23-year-old Joshua Chavis for the first and last time. Joshua has high aspirations. He wants to sing the National Anthem at a NASCAR rally. He's so excited that he scares people with his screaming, his knocking shit over with his clumsiness, and wearing a baseball cap backwards and slanted. How in the world is this guy unemployed? He also thinks that he sounds like a cross between Chris Daughtry and Brad Paisley, so everyone with even a shred of musical taste now hates him. He sings "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz, and sounds horrible. The judges reject him gently, which of course is a cue for him to start singing again. When he's rejected, the tears start, and they don't stop. Now, don't you think the cameras are going to chase him around until he flips them the bird? Yep, check. This show is so damn predictable that we don't even need to watch it anymore.

Now we get to feel worried for nervous 15-year-old Stephanie Renae. Stephanie tells us that she's been watching the show since she was eight, and loves Carrie Underwood, which of course in her mind qualifies her for Idol. She sings Inside Your Heaven by Carrie Underwood, and sounds just like Carrie, but with some sort of nasal condition. Randy tells her she's not ready, but Steven and Jennifer put her through to Hollywood because they like everybody. I think she should come back in a few years. By then, they'll be combing Wal-Mart parking lots for contestants, and the competition will be pretty easy for her.

The first hour is now over. Hey, that went by pretty quickly. Then again, this is only the first of eight audition shows, so I'm not totally worn down yet. The second hour begins with a segment that totally isn't even one bit staged. It features a brother (or sister) and sister team who were on last year, Schyler and Colton Dixon. You remember Colton, right? Colton jutht loveth Jethuth. And in turn, frauen love Colton because he loveth Jethuth and is totally not seemingly gay in the same way that this segment isn't staged.

But, wait! What is this? Colton isn't auditioning this year! OMG! Middle-aged housewives across America are crying tears of butter over this development. Whatever will they do? The judges don't care much for Schyler, but they beg like hell for Colton, who is brought in to sing. But first, the judges remember that his/her sister was the one who came to audition, so they let her sing “Break Even” by The Script. Silly Schyler. The Christian angle only works on AI if you're a boy, or like Colton, androgynous and supposedly male. Schyler sounds all right, but it doesn't matter, because the frauen and the judges aren't really listening. Instead, they're waiting for Colton. Colton pretends to be annoyed, and then sings Permanent by David Cook Schyler is giving a look that says, “They want him, not me” as her brother/sister squeals his/her way through Cook's song. The judges seem happy that Colton seems to have lost his lisp and puts him through to Hollywood, and then they do the same for Schyler. Isn't that nice? Prepare to have Colton shoved down your throats for the next few months. As South Park's Mr. Slave would say: Oh Jethuth. Jethuth Chritht.

Day 1 in Savannah is almost over, and we can't close the day without a montage of circus freaks crying hysterically after their rejection. And when that's over, yet another blonde, this one named Lauren Mink, is ready to audition. She works with kids with disabilities, which is very admirable. However, Lauren must have woken up one morning and said “Fuck it!”, because here she is auditioning for American Idol. She sings some country song that I'm not familiar with, because after all, American Idol never features country singers. Especially last year. The judges love her even though she hit a clunker note or two. Off to Hollywood for Lauren. Whatever.

Now it's day 2, and I'm betting that crowd must stink to high heaven right now. Randy waltzes in late. I imagine that he's possibly also stinking to high heaven of sweat, but also vodka vomit. Then again, Savannah is the home to the restaurant of di-a-beetus cuisine chef Paula Deen, so he may be stinking of the fried bacon-wrapped butter sticks he had for dinner there last night. See what happens when you have an active imagination like mine? It makes you think of Randy Jackson sweating out butter, bacon grease, and vodka. Have fun seeing that tonight when you close your eyes.

And now comes for the moment that people will be talking about tomorrow, but it's not for any of the right reasons. Here comes Mawuena Kodjo from West Africa. The show makes fun of his accent by graphically insinuating that he can't speak English properly. Bullshit, he just has an accent. Pay attention and you can understand him. Dammit. Anyway, Mawuena sings a Rascal Flatts song. He's horrible, but at least he doesn't do their trademark falshitto. Mauwena's a nice guy, but one of the most delusional ones we've seen in a long time.

So where's the big controversy? Coming up. Mawuena is sent out to see if he can find someone who likes his singing. He sings to some old redneck who looks like he blacked out while fishing, and wandered over to the town square. Redneck shakes Mauwena's hand and asks “Are you a runner?” Mawuena takes Redneck and a few little girls back to the judges, and the judges still reject him.

Really? Does American Idol think that's cute? I guess they got tired of mocking on Asians, and decided to move on to Africans. S. M. H.

Ashlee Altise is 28 and “wants to sound GOOD”.  She is also awesome. She demonstrates her patented dance, called joy-hopping. Then she wonders aloud if she can out-dance J Lo. I don't know about that, but I can almost guarantee that she can out-sing her.  And out-sing her she does, doing an entertainingly over-the-top rendition of Come Together by the Beatles. She's brassy, sassy, and unique, so of course I expect the judges to reject her. Much to my surprise, she gets three yeses from the judges!!! I know she'll never make it to the Top 12, but I love the possibility of seeing Ashlee stirring shit up in Hollywood. Everybody joy-hop!

W.T. Thompson is up next. W.T is more country than fresh roadkill on a dirt road. His sob story is that he used to be a prison guard, and he had to quit his job in order to audition. And, his wife is 6 1/2 months pregnant. So, quitting a job in a horrid recession to try out for American Idol is the worst idea ever. W.T has the stars in his eyes, but he sounds OK. Steven says no, Jennifer says yes, and Randy isn't sure. W.T comes outside with his golden ticket, though, so the Thompsons can count on at least several more months of no money coming in. Now that's a plan!

We're back, and Steven tells the camera that he's 'moist'. Didn't you want to know about the state of the crack of his ass?

Erika Nowak is up, and within five seconds, I love her. She introduces herself as “Steven Tyler's Future Ex-Husband”, emits a laugh that sounds a little like Tatiana Del Toro's laugh, and we're treated to a loop of that laugh, complete with shots of crazy eyes. She's hot for Steven's moistness, but I'll give her a pass because she makes wacky dances and tells Steven to just “Give me a * bleep * hug. Apparently, she DOES want to know about the crack of Steven's ass, because she grabs it. I. Love. Her. She sings Super Duper Love by Joss Stone, and she actually starts off pretty good, but then she falls apart pretty quickly. Whatever. It doesn't matter because I love her. You know this is a girl who knows how to party. If I ever wind up in Buffalo, I will pray to every known diety that we meet and become BFFs.

Up next is some blonde girl named Brittany Kerr, who looks like every other blonde who auditioned today. I'm not even going to comment on her. She's exactly like about twenty other girls on the show. I could write her entire biography here, but everyone would still mix her up with all the other IBWs. So fuck it. I will say that J Lo seems to hate her, probably because Brittany is younger, prettier, and a better singer than J Lo. Good luck with that, Brittany. Ask Pia Toscano how that worked out for her.

Well, we're an hour and fifty minutes into the show, and that only means one thing: we're down to the pimp spot. Occupying the pimp spot is 20-year-old Philip Phillips from Leesburg, GA. Philip and his dad have a pawn shop, just like Sanford and Son. Phillip is instantly a candidate for VFTW, because he is a WGWG, or a white guy with guitar. Will he be the fifth in a row? He could be. He has the whole formula. He sings a Stevie Wonder song, so you know he'll play it safe enough to get through the rounds.  He sings and moves a lot like Taylor Hicks. He plays guitar and sings an acoustic version of Thriller, much like David Cook would have done. That's it. Just save us four months of this and hand him the crown right now. As far as what this means for VFTW, it could go two ways – he could be completely wacky and OTT, and be a darling of VFTW for as long as it lasts. Or, the more likely scenario is that he makes it far enough to where he's the only WGWG left standing...and you never know whether or not we'll take it from there...but as you know, we've done it before. And before. And before.

And 42 golden tickets later, that wraps it up. Tomorrow, AI goes to Pittsburgh to gawk at some more circus freaks. The best part is that it's only an hour! See you then.