Adam Lambert

Due to the fact that Adam Lambert's songs are pure shit and no one will play them on the radio, there is now a new contest to win a concert with Adam, Allison, and Kris altogether. Adam is not anywhere near the draw that 19E was expecting, so they have to package him with Kris and Allison to get anyone besides the Sparkle Cows interested. Meanwhile, Kris Allen's single is slowly climbing the charts and doing well for itself. We love irony. (News via MJ's Big Blog)


Let's take a look back, shall we, at a prescient post made by VFTW on September 29th:

Adam Lambert will face a similar fate to Clay Aiken when his fans kill off his career by being overzealous and pissing off everyone by over-requesting his songs, yelling at his management, starting letter writing campaigns to anyone who would mock him, etc. It'll be a funny ride, so grab some popcorn. 

And now let's look at the Twitter account of a DJ named Billy the Kidd who works at a KISS-FM station in Dallas.

Heads up Adam Lambert fans- it doesn't help when u SPAM my e mail with requests! Ps I can't believe you call urselves the "Glamberts" ha! (link)

Im not rude, just honest. I like Adam, he is talented, but fan clubs sometimes HURT the artist RT @ImSarahK @billyontheradio youre very rude (link)

@HurChaRealGood I was SIMPLY makin a point that when fan clubs spam our WORK e mail, it DOESNT HELP. Thats all. (link)

We prefer our popcorn with butter and salt. How about you?


As if the #50 debut last week wasn't embarrassing enough, Adam Lambert's "Time for Miracles" has completely fallen off of the Billboard Hot 100 after 1 week. That's right, people hate the song so much, it just completely disappeared. Just goes to show the low #50 debut was completely due to Sparkle Cow purchases, as no one else buys Adam's music. Hate to say we told you so, but...


Adam Lambert Already Has a New Boyfriend

Posted by thefunnystone on November 5th, 2009 at 4:47 PM

That fast, huh? According to Star Magazine, Adam Lambert has moved on from Drake LaBry in a matter of minutes and has found himself a new man: singer/songwriter Ferras Alqaisi. You may remember Ferras because he sang that stupid song "Hollywood's Not America" that was featured in the Hollywood rounds of American Idol a few years back. Now, we're just waiting for the tell-all from Drake about what a loser Adam is. Come on, Drake. Open up to any media outlet you choose and spill.


If Halloween didn't frighten you enough, Amazon has Adam Lambert's album preview up so you can experience a new form of horror. The lowlights are the hilariously bad "Music Again", campy "Strut", terribly cheesy Broadway sounding "Soaked", and his ridiculous sounding vocals on "Fever". Adam's voice sounds absolutely horrendous on the ballads, which are by far the weakest tracks in the previews. We can say though that the album clearly has higher production values than the standard Idol rush job. And tracks like "Sleepwalker" and "Whataya Want From Me" would blend in easily to top 40 radio (if you can consider that a compliment). But will anyone be able to look past the stupid album cover to even listen to the music? Adam better count his lucky stars that people can now download the album anonymously or he'd have negative sales the first week.


Adam Lambert and Drake LaBry Split Up

Posted by thefunnystone on November 1st, 2009 at 8:27 AM

Apparently, Adam Lambert has broken up with his boyfriend, Drake LaBry. Even though Drake didn't seem like much of a catch, bad move on Adam's part. He's probably believing the hype about himself and sees himself as a "sex symbol" who can have his pick of men. So we feel we need to step in and do what we do best here. No one with any taste would fantasize about a crater-faced, Liza Minnelli looking, double-chinned Twilight impersonator with a terrible haircut. It's our job to put Adam back in his place so he retains a realistic outlook on life. See, and people say we don't do anything positive. (News via MJ's Big Blog)


Adam Lambert - "For Your Entertainment" Premieres

Posted by thefunnystone on October 30th, 2009 at 5:57 PM

Well here's Adam Lambert's "official" single. Top 40 radio might possibly embrace this because it's so cookie cutter. His voice is so processed, anyone could be singing this. The song sounds like something Britney Spears was offered, but she passed on it because it was too cheesy. Except for the awful screaming in the bridge... that's just pure Adam. Guess we'll see what happens next.


Every year, American Idol contestants debut near the top of the Billboard Hot 100 chart with their new singles. For example, David Archuleta's "Crush" debuted at #2. Even "Light On" by David Cook debuted at #17. Adam Lambert's "Time for Miracles", however, debuted at #50. That's pretty pathetic. This is clearly due to the fact that no one will play this song on the radio since it's so cliche and terrible. Will Adam's next single do any better? Doubtful.