David Archuleta
"Crush" Debuts at #2 on the Billboard Hot 100
#2? The Gaspy Archuleta fans are slipping. This is pathetic. We expected more from them. If you can't even get your guy to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, he has no shot at a career. Truly awful. What is wrong with you? Now go download the song 1000 more times to make it look like Gaspy has a career. After this shame Gaspy's brought to his family, Dadchuleta is definitely withholding the water dish from Gaspy's cage tonight. You sick bastards.
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Want to be in Gaspy's Video? Yeah, Neither Do We
A casting call was sent out looking for people to play David Archuleta's friends in his first music video, "Crush", which will be filmed in Atlanta. The video is being directed by Declan Whitebloom, who also directed lame videos for Jesse McCartney and the Jonas Brothers. Apparently, the casting director is an idiot though, as the call is looking for 18-21 year olds to play Gaspy's friends. Gaspy looks 12, these people will just make him look even younger. Also, he was clearly the weird kid in high school who creeped people out by gasping at the lunch table while trying to get out a sentence, so why pretend now that he's popular? His fantards should all show up and try to be in the video. That would be quite hilarious to see them all kicked out. Archuletafans.com, are you up for the challenge?
Gaspy's First Photo Shoot
Awww, how precious... if he was 5. Check out these ridiculous pictures from Archuletaweb.com from a Celebrity Pictures photo shoot with David Archuleta. For more laughs, check out our message board thread.
David Archuleta's First Single- Crush
Here is Gaspy's first single, Crush. It's bad, but it could have been worse. At least it's semi-modern. But since he insists in all of his interviews that he is too young for relationships, why isn't he singing about playing with his Barbies and watching Teletubbies? Seriously, he must be the only 17 year old on the planet not getting any. Maybe he'll hit puberty by the time he's 30.
Idiot Fans are Harrassing the Idols on Tour
Now don't get us wrong. Carly Smithson annoys us too. We don't particularly care for most of this year's top 10. But the always ridiculous American Idol fans (the very same ones who write us hate mail) are now resorting to harassing and stalking the Idols while they tour the country. Creepy. Idletard.com has a great story about all of their idiocy. A girl carried a sign that said, "I killed 12 million people after the American Idol finale. I’m looking for my last victim. Have you seen this man?" that included a picture of David Cook. One person asked David Archuleta to sign a piece of paper that David found to have his family's private phone number on it. And someone shot Michael Johns with a water gun before the Idols got back on their tour bus. Seriously now. We love to make fun of Idol, but we like even more to make fun of the moronic fans. They're certifiable. So watch out on tour, Idols. I'm sure this is only a taste of what's to come from the losers who watch this show.
Kathy Griffin Agrees... David Archuleta is Slow
She puts it in a very blunt way of course, but it's hilarious. Fast forward to 4:30.
Idol Tour Makes People Sleepy, Nauseous, Angry
Reviews are coming in for the American Idol 2008 tour and they're just as we expected. Here are our favorite quotes thus far that chronicle this massive failure:
- "That's what "Idol" has done to this world. For seven seasons now, the sex-and-violence-free "family" show of our time has been informing and compromising kids' tastes in music, TV and concerts by forcing them to embrace ye ancient music of yesteryear. Much of that music is great, but more of it is truly, vilely heinous." - Doug Elfman, Las Vegas Review Journal
- "[David Archuleta] seemed genuinely terrified by his surroundings and struggled to get his fragile voice heard above the din." - Aidin Vaziri, San Francisco Chronicle
- "The last to take the stage was Cook, who greeted fans with his now-famously subdued rock version of Lionel Richie's "Hello." He would give the same treatment to Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean." Both were bores.He also played his new single, "The Time of My Life," which probably isn't good enough to be played in a bar." - Jim Harrington, San Jose Mercury News
- "A preshow danceoff between concertgoers and a giant felt Pop Tart, a 30-minute audience Guitar Hero competition, and a constant loop of jumbotron ad spots for So You Think You Can Dance, Guitar Hero, and the debut album by already-been-dropped Blake Lewis sometimes made me feel like my mom and I were trapped inside a giant, insufferable infomercial. It was total product-placement hell, at times." - Lyndsey Parker, Yahoo! Music
What... the... fuck?
Apparently Guitar Hero is sponsoring the Idol tour this summer. Whatever. The fascinating part of the article is this picture.
Everyone remember this when you think about trying out for AI8. You have to do this. And again... Carly manages to look like an idiot in every picture she appears in.