Paula Abdul

That's enough. After even more articles from Paula Abdul in the news saying that she won't be back on American Idol due to contract negotiations stalling, enough is enough. When will the press learn that the judges are told to keep telling everyone that they won't be back or have to negotiate contracts so that people keep reporting on Idol all year long? Since nothing is going on, Paula has to run her yapper about how there's a possibility she won't be back. This comes after months of Kara, Simon, and Randy doing the same thing. Who cares? Listen up, judges. You have a sweet gig sitting on a chair, killing brain cells, and saying the same 10 sentences with different variations thrown in every week. Stop bitching. We all know your "I won't be back" lines are bullshit. And even if you don't come back because you're actually telling the truth for once, no one will miss you. American Idol has devolved into the worst karaoke competition money can buy, and the judging has become a parody of itself. Any moron with a cocaine habit can do the same thing you do.

So forgive us if we don't have pity for you. Receiving millions of dollars to say "that was pitchy, dawg" or to fall over in a drug-addled mess after being drawn on with crayons is beyond what people in bad economy can have sympathy for. No one wants to hear you say anything else, because no one sees you as anything but has-been personalities that are good to make fun of. So for God's sake, give it up already. 

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Kylie Minogue is planning to work with Kara DioGuardi and Paula Abdul on her next album. Kylie worked with both on her song "Spinning Around" in 2000. In other news, Kylie Minogue doesn't care that her career is going to die because Kara hasn't had a new idea since 2000 and Paula hasn't been sober since... ever.

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Paula Abdul apparently gave Scott MacIntyre a seeing eye dog as a present. That was a very nice gesture from Ms. Rehabdul. Though we have to wonder why he didn't have one in the first place if he's been visually impaired for so long. Ah well, any excuse to see more updates on Scott, he's a Worster at heart. Now if only someone could get Paula a dog that could speak coherently and navigate her around when she's messed up out of her mind, that would be a very nice gesture as well.

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After Paula Abdul outed her struggle with overcoming addictive painkillers to Ladies Home Journal, Ms. Rehabdul now says she never said that. A Dallas radio show asked Paula if it was hard to talk about her past addiciton, Paula said, "I didn't. I was quoted as saying something I didn't say... It was very stressful for me to hear that and to be quoted saying something. I never said. I've never checked into a rehab clinic. I've never been addicted or abused drugs, and I've never abused alcohol. I've never even been drunk in my life." So what does this mean? Paula's still on the sauce and can't even remember outing herself as an addict. Truly sad! But at least this gives us hope that she'll do something else miraculously stupid on Idol this week when she takes the drugs she doesn't take.

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As if we didn't already know about this... what took her so long to finally admit it? The New York Post reports that Paula Abdul finally comes clean in the latest issue of Ladies Home Journal. Ms. Rehabdul says she kicked a 12 year addiction to painkillers last Thanksgiving and is now clean. Paula also says that the pain patch that she often wore was "80 times more potent than morphine."

This news is about as shocking as Clay Aiken announcing he's gay. We knew you were a druggie, Paula. Everyone did. It was obvious. Why do we have the sneaking suspicion if you lied all these years about your drug use, you may not be clean now? Then again, Paula has been surprisingly lucid and intelligent this season on Idol, so she may be telling the truth.

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Everyone's favorite hot mess, Paula Rehabdul, rehashes the same old story with ABC News, saying that she's never been on drugs. But this time it's actually funny when someone calls her out.

"I will not take those drugs," Abdul said. "And you can check my medical records. There is nothing like that. I was never on Oxycontin or Vicodin or anything like that. I was on nerve medicine and anti-inflammatories."

Last week ABC News followed up on Abdul's offer to "check her medical records," asking for her permission to speak to one of her doctors. She declined.

Oh Paula, you're so silly. Paula also says her short lived reality series "Hey, Paula" was the biggest mistake of her life because it made her look ridiculous. Yet, Paula was an executive producer on the show. Was she too messed up on the painkillers she doesn't take to make it to the editing meetings?

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Paula announced on a KISS Phoenix radio interview that the top 6 theme this year is Disco. This is awesome news for 2 reasons. 1) Lil Rounds will have to pick an up-tempo song to entertain us all and 2) Adam Lambert will have to be flaming. Paula also said she is worried about Matt and Lil tonight. Paula will also choreograph next week's awful group number. Lil must still be around so we can see her glorious ass shake to the beat of disco.

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MJ's Big Blog has an interview up with Paula where she states that the top 8 theme is Songs From the Year You Were Born. It's going to be basically 80's night minus 1 (Allison). So what suggestions do we have for Megan, born in 1985, if she somehow defies all odds and makes it through?

Like a Virgin, Madonna
Material Girl, Madonna
Dress You Up In My Love, Madonna
Take on Me, A-Ha
Sugar Walls, Sheena Easton
Obsession, Animotion
Private Dancer, Tina Turner
Walking on Sunshine, Katrina and the Waves
Solid, Ashford and Simpson
California Girls, David Lee Roth

Don't play it safe, Megan. You see what that gets you. You have to come out and have fun. If you're even around. Even though everyone thinks you're going home tonight, we're holding out hope.

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