Randy Jackson
Well, So Much For a Comeback...
Listen Up, Judges. Shut the Fuck Up
That's enough. After even more articles from Paula Abdul in the news saying that she won't be back on American Idol due to contract negotiations stalling, enough is enough. When will the press learn that the judges are told to keep telling everyone that they won't be back or have to negotiate contracts so that people keep reporting on Idol all year long? Since nothing is going on, Paula has to run her yapper about how there's a possibility she won't be back. This comes after months of Kara, Simon, and Randy doing the same thing. Who cares? Listen up, judges. You have a sweet gig sitting on a chair, killing brain cells, and saying the same 10 sentences with different variations thrown in every week. Stop bitching. We all know your "I won't be back" lines are bullshit. And even if you don't come back because you're actually telling the truth for once, no one will miss you. American Idol has devolved into the worst karaoke competition money can buy, and the judging has become a parody of itself. Any moron with a cocaine habit can do the same thing you do.
So forgive us if we don't have pity for you. Receiving millions of dollars to say "that was pitchy, dawg" or to fall over in a drug-addled mess after being drawn on with crayons is beyond what people in bad economy can have sympathy for. No one wants to hear you say anything else, because no one sees you as anything but has-been personalities that are good to make fun of. So for God's sake, give it up already.
Adam Lambert's Vocals Used on Randy Jackson Presents America's Best Dance Crew
You may have heard Adam Lambert's voice before. He recorded a vocal of "We Are the Champions" for District 78. Since the show is produced by Randy Jackson and he probably knows where the music comes from, did Randy Jackson ask Adam Lambert to audition for the show? It wouldn't be surprising since he clearly knew Carly Smithson before she made it to the top 6 last year. Oh Randy, you're finally going to be involved in a scandal and people may finally care about your opinion for one day.
Randy Jackson Headlines National Train Day
For some reason, Amtrak has tapped Randy Jackson as a celebrity headliner for National Train Day on May 9. What's the matter, was Thomas the Tank Engine busy? This is the stupidest pairing since Paula tried to sponsor The Partnership for a Drug Free America. Randy and trains? What's the connection there, that he's as fat as a train? Not seeing it. To try to tie the two together, Amtrak VP Emmett Fremaux said, "As one of the hosts of the most watched TV show in America, Randy Jackson is helping to raise the profile of train travel as an important part of American culture." In response, Randy said, "Yo dawg, we got a hot one tonight! Dude, dude, I always say this is a transportation competition, and this train can really move! You in the dining car tonight, dawg!"
This may be the most pointless celebrity to event matchup in the history of time. What is he even going to do as a "headliner", talk unintelligibly for 2 hours?
Randy, Simon, and Ryan Predict the Final Three on Jay Leno 3/23
Randy, Simon, and Ryan were on Jay Leno last night and they basically stated that Adam Lambert, Danny Gokey, and Lil Rounds would be the final 3. Boring and predictable. Though at least if Adam keeps camping it up, that'll keep it watchable. So now we know who Simon and Randy will use the judges' save on (as if we didn't know already).
Ryan and Randy Share Taco Flavored Kisses
What the fuck? Well this proves it. Ryan Seacrest is straight. No self respecting gay man would ever share a taco that close with Randy Jackson.
Kara DioGuardi Joins American Idol as the Fourth Judge
Looks like the changes are already rolling in. It was just announced that a 4th judge will be joining Drunky, Man Boobs, and Incoherent on American Idol 8's panel. Just what we need... more inane comments from the peanut gallery. But maybe this one will be better. The new judge is Kara DioGuardi, a Grammy nominated songwriter who is reponsible for such travesties as Ashlee Simpson's Pieces of Me, Lindsay Lohan's Confessions of a Broken Heart, and Paris Hilton's I Want You among other song. AI is definitely keeping it in the family, as DioGuardi has written songs for many past Idols as well, such as Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Clay Aiken, Katharine McPhee, Bo Bice, and Taylor Hicks. DioGuardi also owns Arthouse Entertainment, which is responsible for David Archuleta's new song Crush. So what nickname will we come up with for Kara? What will we mock her for? And will anyone call her out on writing such terrible songs? Take your guesses in the comments.
Bid on Vote for the Worst's Charity and Caricature Auction
Vote for the Worst has raised $2500 for Relay for Life and the American Cancer Society this year, but we'd like to do one more thing to help out. We're starting a charity auction with 6 great items that you can bid on where 100% of the proceeds will go to help the fight against cancer. To bid on the items, simply follow these links over to eBay, and bid generously to help an oustanding cause.
Bo Bice T-Shirt with Signed Catalog and CD
Steffi DiDomenicantonio Custom Made Autographed Bows
Taylor Hicks Signed T-Shirt
Mikalah Gordon 'My Job Is To Annoy You' Shirt From Her Time on Idol
Phuong Pham Hat From American Idol and Demo
Canadian Idol Autographs and Trading Cards
(We also had one more INCREDIBLE item that may be lost in the mail. We hope UPS can find it soon so we can put it up. We'll keep you posted if they can find it.)
The official VFTW caricatures are timeless works of art, and they are also up for auction! If you win the auction, you will own the one of a kind artwork, the only copy in existence, complete with a letter of authenticity. 100% of these profits will go to the artist, the very talented Laura Hawbaker. Bid on the caricatures at the links below:
Randy Jackson ● Simon Cowell ● Paula Abdul ● Danny Noriega ● Amy Davis ● Amanda Overmyer ● Kristy Lee Cook ● Brooke White ● Jason Castro ● David Archuleta
With all of the Paula Abdul pity in the air, someone had to kick her when she was down. Media IQ issued a study that said that Paula Abdul is the American Idol judge that most people fast forward through while watching their Tivo. This study is bullshit though, as they say that Randy is the most popular.
Let us explain what actually happens: People start watching Randy and forget they have to listen to the judges. So as he begins to talk, they hit fast forward, but it takes a few seconds because their brains are momentarily frozen while trying to comprehend the nonsensical comments from Randy. After fast forwarding, the viewers then hit Play when Simon comes back on, realizing that the judge comments are almost over.