Seacrest ponderously announces that the Idols will be singing two songs from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame list of all-time great rock songs.  “Maybe one of them will end up in the Hall some day” muses Ryan.  Eh, maybe not, dude.

After a lively discussion of what is wrong with Idol here at VFTW, I think we can all agree on one point.  What if they took away all the lies and the money-grubbing and humiliation of delusional contestants, and just made the show into a singing competition?

What is so wrong about a nation-wide search for the best undiscovered talent in America?  Oh, right.  Because this..............................................................
Is American Idol...  How could I forget?

Random Idol Thoughts

Paula-Gate 2008 is growing in intensity… well it is for us at VFTW, I think the typical  teeny-booper  (misspelling was unintentional, but funnier)  Idol fans still don’t give a rip that their show is broken this season.

Paula’s AI apologists have come out of the wood-work.  “Oh, it’s just Paula, she made a mistake.  It’s live TV.”  Heck, I even made a bone-headed typo writing about it.  

“Relentless Musical Force” Neil Diamond (to quote Seacrest) is our mentor this week, a week that had strong potential for VFTW bad-goodness. The producers started the ball rolling by presenting Diamond’s starring role in the horrible, misguided remake of “The Jazz Singer”, as a success! That’s like saying “Carly Smithson’s album was beloved by hundreds.”

The Idols had to learn and perform TWO songs each this week. Add in Neil’s cornball lyrics, bullfrog croak of a voice and penchant for shiny shirts... Musical crimes were going to be committed tonight. I mean, this is the guy who seriously wrote a song about E.T. ,”Turn on Your Heart-light.” How could this NOT be a VFTW suck-stravaganza?

Random Idol Thoughts.

-- Two days later and it is STILL funny.  I was convinced that Syesha was going home.  I stood up and cheered when The Plant bit the dust.  That was awesome. 

-- Every time a favorite goes home early and someone stays after a terrible performance, it just validates everything we stand for at VFTW.  If this show was really about giving the best performance week after week then Brooke or Jason goes home, no questions.  Plantson gave one of her best performances Tuesday, so naturally she goes home. 

We start our re-cap with bad news for Idol, that Jordin Sparks has vocal chord problems. This is sad because she was set to go on the Alicia Keys tour, which could’ve launched her singing career into a different stratosphere. Now, she has to sit on the sidelines because of the endless American Idol press and singing tour she was forced to endure, because she's only 17 and she didn’t learn how to take care of her voice properly. We hope that Jordin recovers. Of course nobody on Idol wishes Jordan well DURING THE SHOW. They better say something tomorrow.

Going in, Mariah Carey week promised VFTW-Championship level bad performances. We’re talking all time crapitude. There was no way the shrieking diva, who has her own personal fight with painkillers and sanity and good taste could make a boring episode.  This was going to be an all-time bad show of Idol. How could it be anything less than astounding? Oh, right, THESE are our Idols.

Random thoughts on Idol Gives Back and Michael “Jerk-off” Johns getting the boot.

-- With the exception of last week’s bluesy Dolly performance, Michael Johns seemed to be phoning in his entire run on Idol.  Supremely confident, he was content to sing stadium rock anthems and hit a couple high notes and flash his Aussie grin to get by.  He seemed to be on cruise control, not really taking any risks, always choosing safe, popular songs and then presumably he would turn it on during a stretch run that never happened.   Way to motivate, dude.  I hope the rest of your career continues with a similar lack of urgency and effort.  We’ll be seeing you on Hollywood Squares 2009, or Celebrity Competitive Eating in 2011.

Brought to you by Paula’s Boobs.

Howdy Class,

Just another week on Idol. Bad singing, inane Randy criticisms, Paula’s bosoms are squirting out of her shiny top. And the Idols sing songs that make me sick.

I’m debating whether I should review Idol Gives Back tomorrow. On one hand it will suck really bad, which will give me plenty of comic ammunition, but on the other hand it will suck really bad... for 3 hours. So I’m on the fence. I’ll probably watch it with heavy fast-forwarding. Really heavy. And booze. Lots of booze.
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Michaell Johns
Song: “Dream On” by Aerosmith