Prof. Chan's Grading the Idols
Idol Final 11: Like a Visitor Who Just Won't Leave, It's Beatles Night Part 2.
Final 12: How Many Holes Does It Take To Fill the Idol Hall?
Howdy Class,
Welcome to the Idol Finals. Yay.
I thought I would hate McCartney/Lennon night but I mostly enjoyed it. The gimmick of the Finals is so strong that the show works despite itself. All of the months of bad-singing and Hollywood nonsense and elevators and all that rubbish gets in the way of what is a grueling 12 week sing-off with genuine drama. Sometimes.
Each week 12, then 11 then 10, etc. amateur and semi-amateur singers run an impossible gauntlet of trying to re-invigorate 30-40 year old songs that we’ve already heard a million times before. Frequently these people are learning 2-3 new songs every week. The whole process is completely ridiculous, and mostly doomed to failure. And that’s where we come in...
Girls Sing#3: Can we vote them ALL OFF?
And we thought the guys were boring. Let’s see, Whitney, Celine, Whitney... AND Phil Collins. Sailor pants are the IN 2008 fashion statement (and a putrid one.) And Off-Tempo singing is the new performance faux pas. Let’s hear Randy come up with a stupid word for that.
Also, none of the girls warrants a cool nickname because with the exception of our VFTW champion Amanda they all have zero personality.
Paula: “I don’t know what’s going on here?” I do, and it’s called Idol Takes a Nap.
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Grades - RADICAL= GOOD, BOGUS= BAD and ZZZzzzz is REALLY BAD.
Asiah Epperson
Song: “I Want to Dance With Somebody” by Whitney Houston
Guys Sing #3: Where Boys Show Off Their Vocal Prowness
Ahh, this is the Idol I know and love. Tonight we hear Cheesy hits from the 80’s featuring Whitney and Celine... and this is the DUDES SINGING!
Idol is in full effect this week, on the most grueling drop off until the Final Four (6 out 8 stay, so that’s 1:4 you’re getting the boot.” I’d take those odds in Vegas, but don’t take a deep breath yet Noriega. We’re not out of the woods at all.
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For those of you born in the 90’s I’ll be using this Dudical 80’s slaing, so bear with me: RADICAL = GOOD, BOGUS = BAD and GNARLY if you rocked it in strange and unusual ways.
Luke Menard - Looking like Raul Castro in his Bio Video
Song: “Wake Me Up Before You Go... Go.” By Wham! (1984)
Girls Singing #2: Girls' Turn To Be The WORST!
The worm has turned. What was right is left, what was once up is down. Last week the boys sucked badly, so this week it’s the girls turn to crap all over the moniker “The best 24 singers in America.” This is also the night when the judges abandon all illusion of rewarding originality and they start Pigeon-Holing the girls, telling them what genre they are permitted to sing in. Did I mention this show sucks? I believe that I did.
When Carly BLOODY Smithson was the best performer of the night you KNOW something is stinky on Idol. Yeesh.
Boys Sing #2: What a load of Crap!
Man, was this a double-heaping of B.S. or what? And I’m not talking about the performances either, which were decent to good with a couple of exceptions. No, I’m talking about the unceasing stream of utter crap just bursting out of the judges tonight.
Simon launching hand-grenades with a wink and a grin: “I’m only giving constructive criticism.” Yeah, like last week, sending harmless Garrett home with a “you’re pale and ghostly.” Very constructive, you tool.
How about Randy ass-deep in his ridiculous “yo,dawg”, “A little pitchy”, “Another hot one tonight” incoherent minstrelsy. Randy gives morons a bad name. Every time he opened his fat gob I wanted to punch him in his goiter.
Girls Singing: Where Ringers Crumble
Howdy Class,
Welcome to Day #2 of Real Live Voting, Girls Sing Edition. And as usual the girls outsang the guys. By my count there were 6 NOT TERRIBLE or better girls to only 2 NOT TERRIBLE guys. And some of the performances threatened to become good.
As an added bonus Simon was mostly on point tonight with his comments. By the end of hour 2 he was getting a little goofy, but mostly he made valid criticisms. Sure he hammers his negative insults into the ground and needlessly stomps on the decapitated heads of teenagers who sucked at singing in their first performances in front of a Live TV audience. But that’s just for ratings.
Boys Singing: Bring On The Fruitiness!
Howdy class,
It’s our first Live Voting Week on Idol and boy am I excited… until I remember how these two hour episodes are such slow, painful slogs through a turd swamp. This season’s talent is repeatedly called “the best yet.” Really? I guess I need a good ear draining because I thought these were terrible performances. The 60’s were one of the all time great decades for music, so how did these idiots studiously avoid singing ANY GOOD SONGS?!?!
How bad was it? It was so bad I can’t honestly give my usual Pass/Fail grades. I’m going to have to go to a new grading scale: NOT TERRIBLE, TYPICAL IDOL SUCKING or TOTAL CRAP.
Class is in Session!
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David Hernandez
It's like the producers are punishing us for liking their show.
You’d think after Idol dodged a bullet, getting through Beatles week unscathed , that they would move on to a less cherished songbook to destroy, but oh, no. Not Idol. If they can beat something to death then they most suredly will.
And this was definitely a beat something to death week. Mainly I wanted to beat the judges to death for their idiotic over-praise of these thoroughly mediocre to poor performances. I don’t know how Simon, Randy and Paula can live with themselves after all the shameless whoring for “The Best 24 Singers in America.”