Prof. Chan's Grading the Idols
The Hollywood Episode: Where Dreams Are Crushed for Fun and Profit
Bad Singing Show #872: Atlanta
Howdy Class,
<Yawns> Is crappy singing month(s) over yet? No, of course not, tomorrow is the Best of the Worst Crappy Singing Shows over the years. Yup, ain’t gonna watch that one. It smelled bad when I first heard that they were doing this episode over a month ago. Instead I’m going to save up my energy for the REAL bad singing weeks... A.K.A. American Idol Finals! Yeah!
Atlanta seemed tired, as though even Idol was sick of Bad Singing Month(s). Since luckily we know who makes it to the Top 24, I’ll just critique them about their Sanjayability to become our Worst for 2008. And maybe anyone else I can make fun of.
Bad Singing Show #6: Miami
Howdy Class,
Well, you knew after the triumphant Paula performance in Omaha that it would be a bit of a let down today. Sure Paula was mostly incoherent. And istead of listening to Simon at one point she put her fingers in her ears and went “la-la-la-la” for 20 minutes. But that’s just normal Paula, not chemically enhanced.
What I find fascinating about American Idol is that they’re more than willing to ridicule their superstar nut job just as much as the next William Hung-a-be. The editors took glee inserting every single Paula antic into the show, and we were rewarded for it. Thank you Editors.
Also we see a few Hollywood Finalists, so we get to Grade their VFTW potential.
----------
Bad Singing Show #5: Omaha
Howdy Class,
I have to say this was a pretty good episode. One hour. Plenty of crazies. Simon had some good one-liners. Seacrest gets his ass kicked by a couple of girls. Paula is completely drunk. Randy makes a bunch of hypocritical comments about singing that will come back to bite him... complements of yours truly. Also, since we know who the final 24 are I don’t have to waste time talking about Gold Ticket wannabes. And best of all, the one guy on the show that makes it to the Finals is a crappy-singing tool bith a stupid haircut who has Votefortheworst written all over him.
---------
VFTWer David Cook- Does he have Sanjaya potential?
Bad Singing Show #4: Charleston
Charleston was a twilight zone for American Idol. Not only were the usual loonies fairly amusing and extra loony, but even the rejects were decent singers. Simon was funny and Randy went on a rant about singers “stopping all the vocal antics.” But the biggest clue that the show was coming from uncanny valley... It was fast paced and entertaining. I know. I must be sick.
-------------
South Carolina singers had personality up the wazoo, so lets explore the more entertaining denizens of Charleston.
Bad Singing Show #3: San Diego
Why does EVERY SINGLE one of these bad singing shows follow the EXACT SAME story arc? One or two good singers in the beginning. Then the series of bad singers... will Randy, Paula and Simon ever find anyone good? Then some even worse singers. Followed by the darkness right before the end. Will the LAST SINGER redeem the entire city? Yes, yes she will. Because she’s a ringer. And because they CAREFULLY EDIT these damn shows so that they ALL FOLLOW THEY SAME SCRIPT. There were 30 Good singers who were rewarded with tickets, but this show was only one hour so we only got to see a couple ringers. But then again, this show was only an hour so it was exactly half as boring as usual.
----------
Bad Singing Show #2: Dallas
Howdy Class. I know, you’re thinking, wow, more Grading the Idols so soon? Aren’t we lucky? Well, it turns out that I’m the lucky one as Dallas brings the crazy and makes for an entertaining show. Why the hell didn’t they start with this one? Ah, the mysteries of Idol.
And now for the bad news... for Idol. Ratings are down 4 million viewers, and are off to the worst start in 4 years. Hmm, could people be getting a wee bit tired of the Idol formula?
-----
Bad Singing Show #1: Philadelphia
Howdy Class, and welcome back to another exciting season of Mocking America’s favorite show. If you were one of the hardened survivors who suffered through On The Lot and America’s Next Band with us, then my condolences and I’ll bake you a cookie. I’m almost thankful that American Idol has crept upon us once again. “Almost” thankful because we have to suffer through about 7 weeks of crappy singing. Who likes this stuff? Sure it gets higher ratings than regular Idol, but hasn’t clueless knuckleheads and shameless bozos selling their dignity for 30 seconds of TV time gotten old? Just a little bit?
Howdy Class,
I wasn't initially sure how to approach this episode. We see a ton of faces and very few names to go with them. And we already have the list of all of the finalists anyway. So instead I’ll rate the Final 24 in terms of AI Pimpage. And based purely on this episode and previous episode pimpage I’m going to handicap who the front-runners are and who the Idol Producers WANT to win.
Do any of your Idols have a shot? How do some early VFTW favorites rate on the pimpage scale?